In Defense Of Pepe™

Recently, pandering living fossil Hillary Clinton put world famous meme-frog Pepe on blast.  For anybody not in the know (the elderly, special needs, Hillary, etc.), Pepe is a character from the comic “Boy’s Club”, known for being a freewheeling stoner type fella, who also happens to be an anthropomorphic frog.  Much like Xzibit, Doge, and Harambe™ before him, Pepe became a popular meme that was shared all over the internet, bringing happiness and joy to all.

Just like the Grinch however, hot sauce connoisseur Clinton couldn’t stand all that happiness.  She hates seeing people laugh and smile.  So she decided to utilize some good ole fashioned fear mongering, in an attempt to paint a digital cartoon character as a legitimate enemy of the state.  Now, it could just be that she’s just old and out of touch with anything remotely 21st century, but regardless, I won’t stand for Pepe’s legacy being tarnished.

On money embezzler Hillary Clinton’s website, what amounts to a slanderous hit piece was posted on September 12th.  One Elizabeth Chan, who was no doubt hired by Hillary’s campaign to make the Presidential hopeful seem more inclusive and minority-friendly, posted an “article” about Pepe the frog.  I put the word “article” in quotes because the piece is all of 300 words and quite obviously devoid of any actual research or critical thought.  It also reads like something that was written for students in a remedial fourth grade English class.  Maybe that’s the demographic Hillary is aiming for though.

In this “article”, Pepe is referred to as a white supremacist symbol.  You know, like the swastika or a burning cross on somebody’s lawn.  “How could this happen?”, you might be asking yourself.  Well, youngster, this is what happens when someone decides to write an article about something they know literally nothing about.  You know… like every Buzzfeed or Huffington Post article ever written.

A few devious young edge-lords on the internet decided to produce racially-themed versions on the Pepe frog, so now he’s being labelled a racist symbol.  That’s a completely rational line of thought.  By that logic, Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jerry, and even Mickey Mouse are symbols of white supremacy.  All of these characters starred in cartoons back in the day that were eventually banned because of overt racism.  Would we not condemn those individual cartoons as racist, without relegating every cartoon starring those characters to the racist pile?  If we were intelligent, we would surely exercise this discretion.

So why would anyone try to convince people that an innocuous cartoon character was racist?  It’s basic fear-mongering, pure and simple.  Most of Hillary’s demographic is middle-aged to elderly, and not exactly technologically proficient.  Most of them have probably never seen Pepe, because most of them can barely work a computer.  If someone is barely able to work a computer, they certainly aren’t going to know who Pepe is, let alone what a meme is.  They probably think a meme is one of those French people who always pretends to be stuck in an invisible box.

Fear-mongering only works when your audience is ignorant of the subject at hand.  Who better to convince that weed turns people into degenerate criminals than someone who has never done the marijuanas?  Who better to convince that heavy metal music is a tool of the devil, than someone who has never listened to heavy metal music?  The ignorant are susceptible to being fed erroneous information, and believing it without question.

So basically, this appears to be some sort of desperate last-ditch effort by the Clinton campaign to coax people into a fear vote.  All other options have been exhausted, so let’s focus of something nonsensical, like internet cartoons.  The incessant minority-pandering doesn’t work as well as it used to.  You can only call your opponents racist so many times before the word has completely lost all meaning.  Hardly anybody shows up to the rallies you rarely give due to your constant illness.  Time to invoke a desperate hail-Mary pass of a political maneuver.

Enough about America’s favorite felon grandmother though.  What I set out to do here was explain that Pepe is actually a good guy, and that his name is being tarnished in an unfair political assassination attempt.  What proof do I have that Pepe™ is not a racist?  How about photographic proof?  Will stone cold factual pictorial evidence prove once and for all that the frog is a hero and not a zero?

Check it out:


That’s the main man Pepe with none other than Martin Luther King Jr.  You know, the guy who had a dream, only to be gunned down by ruthless government pig dogs.  I mean… he got gunned down by that one random guy.  I’m sure if Pepe was there that day, he would have gladly hopped in front of MLK, and taken a bullet for him.  That doesn’t sound very racist to me.  How dare you, Hillary!  How dare you.



Well lookie here!  It’s Pepe yet again.  This time he’s cold chillin’ with none other than the main man Malcolm X.  Malcolm X was gunned down by a peace loving group called the Nation of Islam, but yet again, Pepe was too blazed to leap into action in time.  Oh well.  There’s always next time.  Once again, it’s the thought that counts though.  Pepe™ was just high, not racist.



Damn.  Pepe™ sure likes hanging out with the brothers.  Remind me again why people are saying that he’s a racist?  Fact of the matter is that Pepe™ has had a hood pass since day one.  Here he is with legendary rappers Tupac and Notorious B.I.G.  The government sure has a habit of killing people that Pepe™ is friends with.  That’s probably why Hillary is trying to slander him.  It’s a diversionary tactic to cover up the fact that she assassinates black men who don’t fall in line.  Allegedly.



Well this picture sure is confusing.  I though Pepe was supposed to be all anti-Semitic or something.  Yet here he is, wearing some type of Jewish-y garb, taking pictures at the Western Wall in Jerusalem.  You know, the most Jewish place ever.  And he’s also hanging out with some type of white mage.  Maybe he’s trying to get him to cast a revive spell on all those black guys that Democrats anonymous bad guys killed.



One more photo of the quite obviously Jewish, and definitely not anti-Semitic Pepe.  He even has one of those curly noodle hair things going on.  You can’t have that unless you are legit 100% kosher Jewish.  So knock it off, Hillary “Life Alert” Clinton.  Leave Pepe alone and get back to rape enabling, and committing human rights violations.

Celeb/Food Photoshops For That Ass

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve dusted off the ole drawing tablet and GIMP™ brand photo-editing software to bust out some photoshops.  As a matter of fact, it’s been damn-near half a year.  As I was sitting around my place doing all sorts of important-guy things, I felt a great disturbance in the force.  The world needed more photoshops, and it needed this fella to cook some of those tasty little bitches up.  I’m going to be completely honest with you though.  I had a momentary lapse of confidence in my ability to serve up those clever(ish) photo edits that untold millions of people were no doubt salivating for.  But have no fear, because mere moments after grabbing that stylus, I realized that I am a master, and a master’s skill set never dulls.  Without further ado, I present to you, one man’s contribution to the betterment of society:

Bologne Danza:

Bologne Danza

Danny Devitoast:


Lady GaGazpacho:

Lady GaGazpacho

Baraccoli Obama:

Baraccoli Obama

Donald Rump Roast:

Donald Rump Roast

Where’s Waldo In Real Life

As a small, young, numb-nuts on the come up, I used to love the Where’s Waldo books.  For anyone who’s still kickin’ it earthworm stylee, all livin’ up under rocks, Where’s Waldo (Where’s Wally in the U.K.) is an illustrated book series created by Martin Handford, wherein the purpose is to find the main character on each page.  This is easier said than done, being that each page is typically packed to the rafters with artistic detail and countless characters.  We’re talking packed to the gills.  Packed in like Vince Gill fans at a Vince Gill concert back in the 90’s when Vince Gill still had enough fans to pack a Vince Gill concert.

I don’t possess nearly enough patience to draw a Where’s Waldo scene of my own, so I did the next best thing.  I found large pictures on the internet that are packed full of people, and used my next-level photoshopping skills to plop Waldo’s ass down into them somewhere.  Click on the pictures to maximize them.  YOU’RE WELCOME, INTERNET.

1) Find Waldo as he makes the journey to the Kaaba

Waldo Kaaba


2) Find Waldo as he protests the government in Madrid

Waldo Madrid Protest


3) Find Waldo as he navigates a Ku Klux Klan rally in 1925

Waldo Ku Klux Klan Rally


4) Find Waldo as he enjoys the 2012 Crossfit Games

Waldo Crossfit Games


5) Find Waldo as he lives out his Mad Max fantasies at Burning Man

Waldo Burning Man


6) Find Waldo as he celebrates gay pride in San Francisco

Waldo Gay Pride Parade


Kaaba – Amr Nabil/AP
Madrid – Sergio Perez/Reuters
Klan – AP
Crossfit – Crossfit
Burning Man – Brad Templeton
Parade – Victor Grigas

I Need Entitlement Feminism Because…

Hey guys.  If you’ve been reading all the blogs on the blog’o’sphere lately, you no doubt realize that #feminism is the most important and pressing issue in the world today.  It’s officially #1 (that’s number 1, not hashtag one) on the list of world problems, beating out murder, world hunger, false imprisonment, poverty, lack of education, the militarization of police, global warming, the corporatization of government, illegal search and seizure, and the cancellation of Two and a Half Men.

The illuminati patriarchy continues to have a stranglehold on the rights of everybody, everywhere, at all times, and is solely responsible for every negative thing that transpires in modern society.  What I propose, is that everybody do the right thing and stand up for human women’s rights, and share all of their views on the subject, whether those views are informed or not.  The increased prevalence of overtly narcissistic behavior and acquisition of social media thumbs up are not the primary goal here, but a pleasant side effect nonetheless.  Nobody on social media cares if you’ve actually researched a topic enough to know whether or not the data you’re passing off as accurate is factual or not.  A thumbs-up knows not of the wonders of fact-checking.

My favorite brand of uninformed, yet mildly passionate social activism as of late, involves taking a sharpie and scrawling a half-baked thought on a piece of paper, or dry-erase board.  At least two-thirds of these messages have nothing at all to do with oppression or inequality whatsoever, but remember, it’s the thought that counts.  It doesn’t matter that your message is nonsensical if your viewers don’t know any better, and give you their re-blogs and thumbs-ups regardless.  Don’t let the fact that things such as body image issues, rape, and gender roles can effect literally 100% of the population.  If something effects everyone equally, it’s no longer oppression, and we can’t have that sad reality, now can we.  Below are just three examples of this terrible social justice meme in action, that I’ve taken it upon myself to correct with a truthful rewrite.


Feminism Fail

The original caption on the above photo was “I need feminism because I’m tired of being called hysterical and over-sensitive”.  And I’m tired of being called “lazy” and “an asshole”, but I only have my self to blame for that.  You don’t see me holding up a sign blaming someone other than myself for my own personality shortcomings.  Maybe instead of being the model of entitlement and expecting the world to change to accommodate you, you should work on improving yourself.  If you have no problem being “hysterical”, then option number two is to grow up, become an adult, and stop letting what other people think or say about you bother you.  Part of adulthood is leaving the narcissistic, self-centric qualities of children behind in order to become an individual who is resolute in who they are as a person.  Or you can just continue to hold up signs blaming everyone else for your shortcomings and continue to remain unsatisfied with the world the rest of your life.  Your choice.


Armpit Hair Feminist

Original caption: “I need feminism because ‘I don’t think many guys will kick you out of bed’ should not be the positive reactions I get for growing out my armpit hair”.  Where do I even start with this one?  First off, you are highlighting yourself as a grade-a narcissist if you are doing something as insignificant as not shaving armpit hair and expecting people to clap and throw you a parade because of it.  You should do things in life because you legitimately want to do them, not because you have a desperate need for positive reinforcement from those around you.  People have different views on what is attractive and what is not.  Nobody has to find your armpit hair attractive, much in the same way you don’t have to find a 500-pound man or woman attractive.  Like other people in your age group, you need to enter adulthood and stop caring what other people think about you.  You also need to realize that everyone in life is going to have differing opinions on just about everything.  That’s life.  Oppression has absolutely nothing to do with it.  Feminism has absolutely nothing to do with it.


Feminist Beta Male

The original caption on this one was “I need feminism because I’m tired of most women in media being damsels in distress or sex objects”.  Are you tired of that, Brave Sir Lancelot?  Are you now?  I’ve got a few problems with your blatant pandering brave social justice stance here.  First off, you’re a walking, talking beta-male meme in the flesh, and you expect me to believe you don’t watch tentacle-hentai-rape porn and bend over backwards to be patronizingly helpful to any woman you find attractive?  Secondly, what media exactly are we talking about here, because every type of media I can think of is fairly prone to objectifying both sexes.  When was the last time a guy who looked like you was in a cologne ad, a liquor ad, a mid-to-upscale fashion ad, on the cover of a romance novel, in a soap opera, or the leading man in a Hollywood blockbuster?  Very rarely, if ever.  Those spots are reserved for appealing, sexually attractive men who often have nice physiques, and are prone to being shirtless for absolutely no logical reason.  Are your female friends (a stretch perhaps..) decrying that objectification?  They most likely aren’t, because they enjoy seeing those chiseled abs and man-nips as much as you like seeing lady boobies and booties.  Even those insufferable, entitled, bearers of flagrant double standards known as third-wave feminists enjoy the objectification of men, only they won’t refer to it as objectification because that would denote equality, and equality isn’t their goal.  So stop being such a beta, and go back to watching that tentacle porn, you sniveling little dipshit.  Peace!

New Planet Earth Flag

How’s it going, all you Earthlings?  I don’t know if you heard, but recently some dude called Oskar Pernefeldt designed a flag to represent our planet Earth on the Universal field.  You know… like if we ever have to face off in the World Cup versus Neptune or something, we’re gonna need a sweet flag for the spectators to wave around.  “Go Earth!”  To be honest though, I find his flag to be a little uninspired.  I mean, he went to design school somewhere, and the flag he designed looks like a line drawing of a Chrysanthemum or something.  Take a look for yourself:


Oskar Flag


Now I didn’t go to a design school or anything, but I do have a lot of spare time and a fancy $40 drawing tablet, so I figured I’d try my hand at coming up with a flag to better represent Earth.  Below are my first three designs, but I could probably bust out dozens more since Earth flags is a topic that interests me so much.  Hopefully NASA, or the White House or whomever is in charge of flags has a change of heart and decides that my flags are a better choice for representing this fine planet at the 2034 Pluto Olympics.  It would make me proud to have my design on all sorts of hats, and sweaters, and beer coozies, and key chains, and mouse pads, and fanny packs, and whatever else an Earth flag might logically show up on.  Check em out:


Earth Flag


This was my first design.  I took the best elements of all the flags on Earth, and added that little something extra to truly make it representative of our planet.  I think that if aliens ever saw this flag, they would be impressed with our planet, much in the same way that I’m impressed I was able to think up a design that was this awesome.


Earth Flag


Here is my second design.  It’s more of an alternate design on the first, rather than a complete reworking of the entire design.  I felt that the text was necessary to really drive home that this was the official flag of Earth.  If there was a flag with Uranus on it, I highly doubt anyone would know it was Uranus unless the flag specifically said “Planet Uranus” on it somewhere.  Otherwise they might just think it was a flag for the Moon or a manhole cover or something like that.  I used American for the language on the flag because I’m sure most aliens probably speak American, and not some obscure language like Chinese or Hispanic.


USA Earth Flag


Here is my third and final design.  I gotta tell the truth…  I really knocked it out of the park with this one.  I should seriously get paid for this design, even though I set out to create this flag purely from a humanitarian standpoint.  If I was a Saturnian facing off against the Earth in a heated game of Cribbage for the plutonium medal, I’d probably be shitting my alien britches after seeing this bad boy waving majestically in the wind.  I think this flag adequately represents everything that is important about the planet we live on.  So hopefully whomever is voting on this whole flag business isn’t blind, or a commie, and makes the right choice.  The only choice.  Thank you for your time.


image sources:
earth –
statue of liberty –
eagle –
F150 –
hotdog –
jet –
explosion –

I Love My New Prius!

Hey guys!

I’m so psyched!  The newest Prius is out and I can’t wait to buy it!  This will be my third Prius now.  I won’t actually own three simultaneously, but I need to keep buying the newest model in order to save the Earth.  Yea, it allegedly requires a huge amount of energy and resources to built these cars, but I don’t have to buy as much gasoline, so it more than evens out.  I really only use it to go down the street to shop for frozen vegan quiche from Natural Foods™, but I don’t want to take the bus, because then I won’t be helping to save the Earth with my Prius.

It really is a great car.  Automobiles used to scare me, with all the loud noises and moving parts and whatnot, but the Prius is so non-threatening.   It completely doesn’t feel like something potentially dangerous that I probably should be paying attention in while I drive.  Get out of my way pedestrians!  Honk!  Honk!  Am I right?  I don’t have time to pay attention.  I’m too busy saving the planet!  And besides, how can it be dangerous if it’s so cute and quite?

The other day my friend told me that he thinks it would be great if all Priuses were self-driving, and that they all drove straight into the ocean once you got into them.  He’s such an Earth-saver hater.  I think he just needs to eat more organic, natural vegetables and chill out.  At very least, he should go out and buy a Prius so that he can see how awesome they are and experience the magic of instantly becoming a better person.  Anyways… gotta go!  It’s off to the dealership for a trade-in.  Also, check out the latest Prius ad.  It’s kinda weird, but there’s a lot of green in the ad, so that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Peace!

Prius Ad


Betaman: The White Knight Decries

So I was at a swap meet the other day looking at various baubles and trinkets, when something caught my eye.  It was a chest full of old dusty, tattered comics that one of the vendors was selling.  I rifled through countless old issues of X-Men and Spiderman, only to find a very peculiar comic series that I never even knew existed.  Evidently, DC Comics ran a very short lived series in the early 70’s called Betaman.  It was about a sensitive superhero who, instead of fighting criminals, stood up for women’s rights.  Needless to say, I had to buy all 6 issues that he had in his possession.  I’ve scanned a few pages in order to post them here.  They’re fairly bizarre to say the least.  Maybe I’ll get around to posting more of these in the future.

(click to enlarge)

Feminist Batman


Beta Man

Hopefully this series gets picked up for a big-budget theatrical adaptation.  I think in today’s climate, it could prove to be quite successful.