Month: January 2015

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Silver Linings Playbook Is a Chick Flick.

I try to keep things fairly topical in my writings on this site.  As such, I will be doing a review of the critically acclaimed Hollywood film Silver Linings Playbook from the year 2012.  Next week I’ll be doing a review of the iPhone 3.  Be sure to keep an eye out for that.

I made it a point to finally watch this movie merely because of the rave reviews it was getting and all the press that what’s-her-name who co-stars in the movie was getting.  I knew nothing about the movie other than that it starred Bradley Cooper and what’s-her-name and that it obviously had something to do with football.

After watching it, I realized that this movie is basically a chick flick with a football subplot thrown in to cater to the men.  This movie was written to be the type of chick flick that a woman could drag her boyfriend to under the pretense that it wouldn’t be a chick flick.  The problem is that it is very much indeed a chick flick.  Let me explain with a paragraph containing more than 3 sentences for once in this post.

The basic gist of the movie is that a hunky dreamboat of a guy (Bradley Cooper), with a troubled, violent past, is in the process of getting his life together and becoming a better person.  Chick flick count = 1.  He meets a self-centered, unreasonable, childish, emotionally unstable gal (what’s-her-name), who is single because her boyfriend died as opposed to leaving her, which would have been more realistic.  Chick flick count = 2.  The dude agrees to practice dancing with the girl for a contest she wants to enter, in exchange for her helping him with something largely inconsequential involving his ex-wife.  Chick flick count = 9.  They attend the dance contest and get a high enough score to win some bet that ties the movie up nicely into a happy ending with a bow on top.  Chick flick count  = 37.  The gal storms off emotionally when the guy talks to his ex-wife after the contest instead of making her the center of attention.  Chick flick count = 7,815.  The guy rushes to catch the girl and proclaim his undying love for her before she completely pouts away from the scene.  Chick flick count = 9.18e23.  The End.

Sounds like a chick flick right?  But what about all that football stuff the movie led you to believe would actually play a role in it somehow.  “Playbook” is in the title, and there are football play diagrams on the DVD cover and promotional posters after all.  Well see… here’s the thing.  That was just a ploy to get dudes into the theater to see a chick flick.  The main character and his dad are merely fans of the Eagles, whom the dad bets on throughout the movie.  The main character even attends an Eagles game at one point in the movie as a plot point to reinforce the violent, irresponsible character traits he is supposed to have after he gets into a fight at the event.

The problem here is that the sports angle could have been completely replaced with something else and the movie would have played out the same.  The father and son could have bonded over a love of hunting or watching reruns of Charles in Charge.  It’s just like The Big Lebowski in that regard.  That movie was about a rug and mistaken identity, and had almost nothing to do with bowling, despite largely being marketed as a bowling comedy.  I can write another article about how overrated that movie is some other time, but back to Silver Lining Chick Flick for the time being.

The point is that the plot of this movie can be summed up in 4 or 5 sentences (see paragraph 4), due to the fact that it’s a fairly simple formulaic chick flick.  Matthew McConaughey could have starred in this movie, it could have been written by Jane Austen and it wouldn’t have been any more of a chick flick than it already is.  The inconsequential football side plots do nothing to change this fact.  Silver Linings Playbook is a color-by-numbers chick flick that somehow earned 8 Academy Award nominations, 4 Oscar nods, and 4 Golden Globe nominations.  Seriously.  It didn’t even have terrible British accents and colonial people wardrobe.

So… uh… I guess I’d rate this movie an 8 out of a possible -2.

 

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10 Words That Are Sexist

I have to get something off my chesticles.  And while it’s true that I could just write all this down in my diary, where it more than likely belongs, I’m going to be brave and choose instead to post in on an internet blog for 14 people to read.  Sometimes in life you have to be a maverick and really put it all on the line to bring about change.  I wake up every morning in a cloudy bed of sunshine rays, only to have my day turned to a dismal swamp brought on by the oppressive patriarchal society I was born into.  You have no idea what it’s like to live in a world where I make less for the work I do [citation needed], a world where I am oppressed sexually [citation needed], a world where my voice isn’t heard [citation needed].  Well thanks to the power of blogger™, my voice can be heard loud and clear.

In this post, I am going to complain enlighten you about a handful of words in the English language that are totally sexist.  Men probably invented them all, so what do you expect.  It’s common knowledge that the ones who come up with the language tip it in their favor through all sorts of subtle misogyny [citation needed].  So read on and perhaps I can educate you as to the grave injustice in the following words so that I can feed my ego the world will become a better, more enlightened place.

 

Sunglasses – Excuse me…  Hello?  When that large glowing ball of light is blinding me, what is it I have to grab and put on my face?  Sunglasses?  Are you for serious?  Or course something a male invented would have a manword in the title.  From now on, when the sun is in my eyes, I’m going to put on a pair of daughterglasses.  While we’re at at, from now on the Sun shall be known as the Daughter.  All in the name of equality.  Praise me!

Hysterectomy –  Where do I even begin?  This word is a medical procedure that only women can have, yet it has “his” right there at the front.  This is so typical of the oppressive male dominated medical field.  Could anything possibly be more sexist and oppressive?  For shame.  From this point forward, the word shall be “hersterectomy” instead.  You’re welcome world, for all my hard work and sacrifice.

Hymen –  Seriously…  Men don’t even have a hymen, and yet “men” is right there in the word.  Maybe it’s there because men are in control of women’s genitals and productive rights.  Well no more I say!  From this point forth, the hymen shall be known as the hywomen.  Every doctor from this point forth shall make the necessary changes to their medical books or I’ll write an exposé on Salon.com.  Praise my humanitarianism!

Hispanic – *sigh*  You Latin American-y types have some explaining to do.  Last time I checked, half of the population was female, yet your designated ethnonym has “His” in it.  That is muy sexista and you should feel muy avergonzado. (that means “ashamed” in Spanish.  Come on people, lets try to be a little more respectful of other people’s cultures and learn some other languages.)  I propose that in the name of equality, Hispanics from this point forward be called Herspanics.  De nada!

Boycott –  Of course!  Yet another word that men invented to empower men.  I think that we need to boycott this word by changing it to “girlcott”.  Or perhaps we should “girlcott” this word by changing it to “girlcott”.  Wait.  I’m confused now.  Let’s just consider me a Saint and move on to the next word.

Sonogram –  Here we go again.  This is so wrong I can’t even…  Only women get sonograms, and once again “son” is prominently at the beginning of this word.  Men don’t even have children (don’t even get me started) and yet here we have another sexist word.  Let’s say a woman gets a sonogram and is blessed to find out she is going to have a daughter and not a son (blech!).  Wouldn’t that logically be a daughtergram?  So let’s change that word and better the world.  You’re welcome.

Sheep –  Oh no you didn’t!  The term sheep usually refers to mindless people who follow along without question.  So why does this offensive word have “she” in it.  Shouldn’t we drop that “s” and turn it into heep?  Society not changing this word implies that women are mindless followers and that isn’t right.  Stop being heeple and drop that “s” in the name of equality.

Herpes –  Come on!  Really?  Scientists (male no doubt) were allowed to name a sexually transmitted disease, and half the word is a pronoun for a woman?  Could you be any more obvious?  Because women are the cause of all STDs or something?  Well I have the cure for this disease.  Rename it Hispes, take a little equality, and don’t call me in the morning.

Manhole –  Typical. Of course a man is going to name something after his own orifices.  I’m surprised flagpoles aren’t called manpoles or something like that.  Well luckily for the world I have a solution to this manproblem.  We’ll just call them womanholes.  Woman holes are the life-giving holes after all.  Man holes are just worthless and stupid anyway.  Problem solved.  I’m great.

Man – The most sexist word of them all.  OF COURSE a man would refer to himself as a man.  All the words in the English language you could choose to call yourself and you go and pick the most misogynistic one.  Fortunately, I have a simple solution to this grave injustice.  All you have to do it call yourselves women from now on.  Then we can all be equal.  Yay me!