Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. I can’t help but feel a little dirty in making fun of BuzzFeed™. It kind of feels like making fun of somebody with Down’s Syndrome, or someone who shits their pants on the regular. It’s so easy to do that it feels wrong. That being said, I’m going to follow through and make fun of it anyway, because that’s just what I do.
For anyone who actually has a life has been living under a rock, BuzzFeed™ is a pop-culture entertainment site that has continued to grow as the Earth’s collective IQ has dropped. This is one of those sites that posts endless sensational click-bait articles and half-baked top ten lists. To be fair, they also post other useful and intellectual fare like cat videos and online quizzes as well though. I’m not trying to short-change anybody here.
Bucky Larson, on the other hand, is a character from one of the stupidest movies ever created by mankind, called Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star. It’s so bad that it has a 0% fresh (codeword for watchable) rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It also current has an IMDB score of 3.3, which is lower than both The Room, and a movie called The Abortion. People would rather watch an abortion than Bucky Larson, to put it into perspective. I would rather watch Bucky Larson than actually visit BuzzFeed™ for any reason other than to feel better about my own intellectual capacity, or to do research for an article called BuzzFeed Is The Bucky Larson Of News Sites. This paragraph probably wasn’t necessary, but I needed to justify the title of the article, and liked it too much to change it. Moving on…
BuzzFeed™ is one of those websites that nonintellectuals repeatedly repost articles from on social media, when they want to make a “point”, but can’t muster the brain power to actually formulate a sentence or two on their own. It’s essentially the digital equivalent of pointing at something and grunting. When you can’t actually use your “words” to explain your side of a given discussion, simply copy-pasting a link and hitting the “post” button seems to be the go-to these days. Heaven forbid you actually think about any one topic long enough to write a rational, cognizant idea on the subject.
I’m perfectly fine with BuzzFeed™ existing as a time-wasting, entertainment entity, but the part of me with an IQ greater than a bundt cake takes issue with it trying to brand itself in any way as a “news” site. Negro, you are not a news site. Taking a look at your homepage right now, I’m seeing articles such as: “15 Diarrhea Horror Stories That’ll Make You Feel Better About Yourself”, “What Flavor Of Starburst Are You?”, and “You Have To See This Weird Cake That Looks Like a Blob of Water”. I didn’t make a single one of those up. Not only that, but I actually had trouble narrowing it down to three idiotic article titles to post. The site is so chock full of moronic, pointless content that it’s almost overwhelming to visit.
It’s no more a news site than a print paper like the National Enquirer or The Sun. They all exist simply to bring in revenue and achieve higher viewership, and not to actually educate and inform. Just take a look at the navigation bar prominently displayed at the top of the BuzzFeed™ home page. It looks like something you’d find on the Nickelodeon website or some other page directed at 9 year-olds:
Seriously though. How many other “news” sites do you go to that have a “LOL” or “fail” button for navigation? None, because no credible news site would pander this much to the middle school-minded meme generation. They should add a few more buttons like “fart” and “doh”. Perhaps a navigation bar that looks like this:
That’s more like it!
Granted, the people getting their “news” from a site like BuzzFeed™ generally aren’t the most educated and rational people in the demographic. It’s not like there aren’t hundreds of other actual news sites you can visit that don’t have articles like “9 Surprisingly Fun Things To Do With Your Boobs” on them anywhere. This site has no less than 50 articles that revolve around astrology archived on it for gosh sakes. Is this the site you’re going to rely on for reporting all the hard hitting news to you in a well researched manner? If so, your mother probably ingested bleach while she was pregnant with you.
I’m sure I’ll write another post about BuzzFeed™ in the future, but BuzzFeed™ will have posted another 15 articles about poop, and 93 more numbered list fluff articles by then. They gotta keep their journalistic standards high to pay those bills, after all. So keep doing you, BuzzFeed™. People with overpriced English degrees who can’t land real jobs will always need a place to go to write articles with the word “fuck” in the title. You’re doing the Lord’s work. Godspeed.