Hey everybody. You know how people who have government jobs work so much and rarely have days off or vacations? It’s pretty crappy, huh? Well fret not, as a few bills have recently been inked up by the U.S. House of Representatives, another busy, hard-working division of the government, which aim to correct this gross injustice. The new bills would ensure that those hardworking individuals in cut-throat professions, like DMV clickety-clackers, Post Office object weighers, and Senatorial tax-money-user-uppers receive that much needed time off that most non-government jobs are afforded in abundance. Below is a partial list of some of the potential new government holidays:
Rainbow Trout Appreciation Day
Wednesday
Minimal Labor Day
Carrot Top’s Birthday
Mongoose Day
Colon Awareness Day
Christmas Eve Eve
Christmas Eve Eve Eve
Thanksgiving Eve
Plastic Spoon Day
Decent Thursday
Cuatro De Mayo
Seis De Mayo
Jar of Mayo
Pauly Shore’s Birthday
North Korean New Year
Taco Tuesday
Enchilada Monday
Cheesy Gordita Friday
Hardly Labor Day
Grandma’s Day
Herbert Hoover Day
Millard Fillmore Day
Shark Week
Armchair Day
North Dakota Day
Papercut Safety Week
Leif Garret Day
Testicle Tuesday
Barely Qualifiable As Labor Day
Floppy Jowl Day
Measles Awareness Month
Government Job Appreciation Week