Ugh… It’s time for me to post one of these filler posts again. I’m not sure if anybody besides me even finds any of this stuff funny, but that didn’t matter on the other two dozen posts so far, so why would it stop me now. The only person who really reads this site is my stalker, and he’s not gonna leave any feedback, because doing so would impede his ability to murder me one day and make a tuxedo out of my flesh that he’ll wear to Comic Con when he tries to get Louie Anderson to sign his Louie Anderson cankle tattoo. But I digress… on with the show.
1) The government should offer tax breaks to people who buy Priuses, then leave them in their garage, so they don’t run over and kill anybody.
2) I’m going to start a humane seafood restaurant where I place a pillow over the lobster’s faces and snuff them out before boiling them.
3) I subscribed to GQ magazine the other day, because I don’t have t.v., but still want to have to sit through advertisements for hours..
4) What would George Orwell think of social media. People go out of their way to tell everybody everywhere they go and everything they do.
5) The government should offer tax breaks to people who buy BMWs, then sterilize themselves, so they don’t create douchey entitled offspring.
6) Mustaches are great for when you want half the food you try to put into your mouth to go to waste.
7) I love going to a concert, realizing I’ve lost one of my ear plugs, then needing to flip a coin to see which ear gets saved that night.
8) I love when rappers wear $10,000 gold chains, but have album packaging that looks like it cost 37 cents to print off at Kinkos.
9) Martin Luther King Jr would never have been able to play Grand Theft Auto 5, because he had a Dreamcast.
10) I took a trip to Africa and saw signs that said “Free Nelson Mandela”. I don’t know what that is, but if it’s free I’m down to try it out.
#BeatingADeadHorse #HelloStalker