Meat Explosion (Official Video)

How it going?  Cool, cool.  Great to hear.  While you’re here though, you should check out this video I recently wrote, directed, edited, starred in, and did catering for.  It’s called “Meat Explosion”, and it’s about the frailty of Earthly existence and the extraordinary palatability of the human condition.

The song is one of a few dozen hot jamz I wrote back in the day that are just sitting around on my computer hard drives collecting digital dust.  Figured I should maybe get off my ass and make a tasty music video for it so that 9 or 10 people can stumble upon it on Youtube™ and give it a thumbs down.

I’d like to make videos for some of the other tracks in the future, but unfortunately most video editing software is garbage.  The one I used for this video crashed like 17 times over the course of two days of editing, and the other software I have randomly decided to be incompatible with my OS one day.  I hate working on something and having my artistic [citation needed] progress halted by technical issues.  Regardless, here is the latest video:


Progressive Oppression Bingo

I wrote an article about a year ago that I never got around to posting.  It was about how the type of person who finds racism everywhere tends to be one who has deep-seated racial issues, and is merely engaging in projection as a method of cover.  You can’t possibly be a racist if you constantly point out racism in everybody else around you at all times… right?  They go out of their way to uncover racism in completely innocuous movies, music, or statements where none exists, simply to cover for their own personal shortcomings on the topic.  I likened it to the individual who goes around calling everyone “fag” all time in an attempt to hide his own sexual insecurities by casting them onto others.

This is similar to certain individual’s current fascination with creating oppression out of thin air for the purpose of blaming their own failures onto society (i.e. I’m somehow at a disadvantage in life because people spread their legs on a bus).  It’s a weak-minded individual’s way of processing the world around them.  They look at a gallon of milk sitting on a table, and their mind instantly tries to find a way in which that milk represents some kind of injustice against themselves or some outgroup.  Perceiving an injustice against themselves serves to cover for their own shortcomings in life (deflection), while perceiving an injustice against others serves to relieve them of any personal guilt they might feel for that injustice (projection).

So what does all of this have to do with anything?  Not much, but I don’t want to delete those two paragraphs that I put all that effort into writing.  But since you’re still reading: I came up with a new twist on a classic game, primarily played by old people, that is sure to endear it to a whole new demographic.  It’s called Progressive Oppression Bingo, and it’s for those emotionally aged 10 and under.  How does it work, you ask?  Hold your gosh darn horses and I’ll tell you.

Progressive Oppression Bingo


It’s just like regular Bingo, but instead of marking off numbers to win, you mark off people of various minority groups after you’ve effectively collected them as “friends”.  As you can probably gather, this game is aimed primarily at middle to upper-class white liberals, specifically those who identify as progressives.  The very demographic who engage in minority collecting as a means of assuaging their own privilege and racial guilt.  The demographic who likes to collect minorities for social standing like they’re playing the latest version of Pokémon. “Oh my gawd, like, I just befriended a Mexican at Starbucks today!  I have to work this into a facebook post somehow to impress all my progressive friends!  I totally can’t even right now…”

The thing is, it doesn’t make you less racist to befriend somebody of another race simply for the purposes of endearing yourself to other people whose validation you seek.  This is a form of tokenism.  It makes you less racist and “problematic” to not treat other human beings simply as means to an end.  By using terminology like “my black friend” or “my other-gendered trans-person otherkin friend”, you’re taking a person, and turning them into an object, like a pair of pants.  You don’t designate your other white friends as “white friends”, so why would you treat these other “friends” of yours any differently?  Is it perhaps because referring to your white friends as your “white friends” doesn’t garner you any of that progressive adulation that you so desperately seek?

Regardless, the modern progressive exists in an echo-chamber of endless validation-seeking behavior, and this game plays into that.  The lure of those back-pats and thumbs-ups for being a great open-minded person is a strong motivating factor to certain people.  In reality, no individual (in a diverse country) should ever make a big deal about having friends belonging to an outgroup.  You are surrounded by people of differing races, religions, and orientations at all times, so why should it be a big deal that you’re friends with somebody different than you?  You would have to go well out of your way to only surround yourself with people exactly like you.

This illustrates one of the hypocrisies of today’s progressive however.  They actively go out of their way to surround themselves with people who echo and validate their own belief systems.  If you’re a progressive, you can’t be friends with a Christian who might be pro-life, because you don’t want to be friends with somebody who has a differing view, right?  You also can’t be friends with anyone who is Republican, because they belong to a political cult that differs from your own political cult.

When you go out of your way to distance yourself from anyone and everyone who has a differing lifestyle or point of view, the only people left are inherently going to be carbon copies of you.  So it makes complete sense that the modern progressive would make a big deal about knowing somebody belonging to an outgroup.  When you’ve effectively constructed a self-imposed system of segregation within your own life, you’ve pushed everyone away who isn’t also white, atheist, and liberal.  So when a progressive actually meets somebody of a different color who mirrors all their worldviews and beliefs closely enough to warrant befriending that person, the event tends to stand out as quite the accomplishment.

Keep in mind, these progressives are the types to will engage in acts like demonizing a black person for identifying as a Republican, i.e. “I’ll treat you as an equal as long as you believe the same things I do”.  That doesn’t sound very progressive to you, does it?  Being progressive would imply that you’re open to all ideas and lifestyles, not just the ones you personally adhere to.  That’s why this game is primarily aimed at progressives though.  With all their rigid views on what should and shouldn’t define someone’s identity, this game will be anything but a cakewalk.

So if any progressives want to play Progressive Oppression Bingo™, just go out of your way to collect a transgender, Mormon, bi-sexual, and Amish person the next time you’re out getting a soy latte and non-GMO vegan gyro.  I’m sure there are plenty of minorities at establishments that carry those types of foods.  You’ll be shouting “BINGO!” in no time flat, and receive more existence-validating thumbs-ups on social media than you could possibly know what to do with.  Godspeed!



* When I use the word “progressive” in this article, I actually mean “regressive”, which applies to someone who fancies themselves as pro-equality, but actually bolsters inequality via holding people to different standards, based on race/religious beliefs/sexual orientation, and the blatant employment of double standards.

Buzzfeed Is The Bucky Larson Of News Sites

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now.  I can’t help but feel a little dirty in making fun of BuzzFeed.  It kind of feels like making fun of somebody with Down’s Syndrome, or someone who shits their pants on the regular.  It’s so easy to do that it feels wrong.  That being said, I’m going to follow through and make fun of it anyway, because that’s just what I do.

For anyone who actually has a life has been living under a rock, BuzzFeed is a pop-culture entertainment site that has continued to grow as the Earth’s collective IQ has dropped.  This is one of those sites that posts endless sensational click-bait articles and half-baked top ten lists.  To be fair, they also post other useful and intellectual fare like cat videos and online quizzes as well though.  I’m not trying to short-change anybody here.

Bucky Larson, on the other hand, is a character from one of the stupidest movies ever created by mankind, called Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.  It’s so bad that it has a 0% fresh (codeword for watchable) rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  It also current has an IMDB score of 3.3, which is lower than both The Room, and a movie called The Abortion.  People would rather watch an abortion than Bucky Larson, to put it into perspective.  I would rather watch Bucky Larson than actually visit BuzzFeed for any reason other than to feel better about my own intellectual capacity, or to do research for an article called BuzzFeed Is The Bucky Larson Of News Sites.  This paragraph probably wasn’t necessary, but I needed to justify the title of the article, and liked it too much to change it.  Moving on…

BuzzFeed is one of those websites that nonintellectuals repeatedly repost articles from on social media, when they want to make a “point”, but can’t muster the brain power to actually formulate a sentence or two on their own.  It’s essentially the digital equivalent of pointing at something and grunting.  When you can’t actually use your “words” to explain your side of a given discussion, simply copy-pasting a link and hitting the “post” button seems to be the go-to these days.  Heaven forbid you actually think about any one topic long enough to write a rational, cognizant idea on the subject.

I’m perfectly fine with BuzzFeed™ existing as a time-wasting, entertainment entity, but the part of me with an IQ greater than a bundt cake takes issue with it trying to brand itself in any way as a “news” site.  Negro, you are not a news site.  Taking a look at your homepage right now, I’m seeing articles such as: “15 Diarrhea Horror Stories That’ll Make You Feel Better About Yourself”, “What Flavor Of Starburst Are You?”, and “You Have To See This Weird Cake That Looks Like a Blob of Water”.  I didn’t make a single one of those up.  Not only that, but I actually had trouble narrowing it down to three idiotic article titles to post.  The site is so chock full of moronic, pointless content that it’s almost overwhelming to visit. 

It’s no more a news site than a print paper like the National Enquirer or The Sun.  They all exist simply to bring in revenue and achieve higher viewership, and not to actually educate and inform.  Just take a look at the navigation bar prominently displayed at the top of the BuzzFeed home page.  It looks like something you’d find on the Nickelodeon website or some other page directed at 9 year-olds:

BuzzFeedNavBarSeriously though.  How many other “news” sites do you go to that have a “LOL” or “fail” button for navigation?  None, because no credible news site would pander this much to the middle school-minded meme generation.  They should add a few more buttons like “fart” and “doh”.  Perhaps a navigation bar that looks like this:

BuzzFeedBarThat’s more like it!

Granted, the people getting their “news” from a site like BuzzFeedgenerally aren’t the most educated and rational people in the demographic.  It’s not like there aren’t hundreds of other actual news sites you can visit that don’t have articles like “9 Surprisingly Fun Things To Do With Your Boobs” on them anywhere.  This site has no less than 50 articles that revolve around astrology archived on it for gosh sakes.  Is this the site you’re going to rely on for reporting all the hard hitting news to you in a well researched manner?  If so, your mother probably ingested bleach while she was pregnant with you.

I’m sure I’ll write another post about BuzzFeed in the future, but BuzzFeed will have posted another 15 articles about poop, and 93 more numbered list fluff articles by then.  They gotta keep their journalistic standards high to pay those bills, after all.  So keep doing you, BuzzFeed.  People with overpriced English degrees who can’t land real jobs will always need a place to go to write articles with the word “fuck” in the title.  You’re doing the Lord’s work.  Godspeed.