The Brands™ Are At It Again

Boy I sure do love brands. They’re so quirky and relatable. They’re just like us people!

Take McDonald’s™ for example:

f! F! FFFFFFfffFFFff!!! OMG F!

I definitely relate to this tweet, McDonald’s™! I dropped a french fry while I was stuffing my face in the car once. LOL! I’m gonna like this tweet along with the other 10k obviously well adjusted, definitely not lonely, sad people following a fast food company on social media and liking all their posts like their quirky aunt posted them.

McDonald’s™ is practically my best friend at this point. I’m even thinking about asking McDonald’s™ to be the best man at my wedding. I hope McDonald’s™ says yes.

4.3 million people follow the McDonald’s account. All these brand accounts are followed by millions of people. Who are the people following these brand accounts? Who desperately needs to hear what Arby’s has to say about social issues?

This is probably the most Idiocratic (like the movie) thing about our society currently. Billion dollar companies using social media to seem relatable, and endear themselves to their consumers, who are nothing more than a source of revenue to them. It’s so creepy and depressing that it works so well.

I wrote about how insufferable the concept of “relatable brands” is in my January 11, 2021 post: right here.

I think the worst part is that there seems to be a mighty large overlap between the people who proclaim “Corporations are not people!”, and those that follow and like corporate accounts because they make cute quips or send out virtue signalling tweets about social issues. (see Ben & Jerry’s). Pick a lane champ. Are corporations evil, or are they excluded from that once they mirror your goofy-ass political opinions or make a few funny meme jokes?

The other day Facebook™ went down for some reason, most likely due to incompetence, and the other brands jumped on that fact to increase their P.R. scores amongst the meatbags on social media.

Get it? Because Facebook™ was down, but Twitter™ was still up. This is obviously because Twitter™ is a competently run company, and nothing bad would ever happen to them. Except this thing that happened last year of course:

Your website got hacked by a 17-year-old kid, guys. Maybe stop gloating, seeing as how your hack actually did damage and included theft.

But anyways, the tweet was popular, because there’s this creepy political divide between Facebook™ and Twitter™, wherein one is considered the “liberal” platform, and one the “conservative” platform. This is of course idiotic, because you’re responsible for who you follow and what shows up on your feed on both platforms. If your feed is garbage on either, this is a “you” problem. The garbage is looking back at you in the mirror, my friend. Consequently, both platforms poorly enforce their Terms of Service, and both platforms poorly filter out propaganda. I cover this in my previous posted linked above. Yet takes like this persist:

A bunch of folks (the impressionable ones at least) want to delete Facebook™ and Instagram™ now because a “whistleblower” who used to work at Facebook decided she needed to get famous and start making some real big league money (allegedly).

There’s already numerous things about this scenario that smell fishier than a wet market, but I’ll avoid going too much into it because it’s still too early to blow the whistle on this dubious story just yet. She does have connections to Democratic politicians (who are generally anti-Facebook) and is being propped up by twitter (Facebook’s competitor) already, which is suspect to say the least.

I do find it funny she’s being called a “whistleblower”, just like Julian Assange, Edward Snowden, and Chelsea Manning. The difference of course being that those three put themselves at risk to challenge the government’s power, while Haugen is fighting for the government to have even more power in regulating what citizens can say or post. If she ends up in a cushy political position within five years time, I will be exactly 0% surprised. But let’s all clap and cheer and pretend Facebook™ is the biggest threat to “weaken our Democracy” as Haugen puts it, and not government mandated censorship.

The thing that made me roll my eyes the hardest at all this, is that Facebook™ isn’t the only problem here, but Instagram™ is too. Yes, the website where people post endless selfies of themselves and food pictures is also a threat worthy of a government hearing. Thank you for speaking up about the harmful pictures, brave “whistleblower”. Hopefully you don’t get waterboarded for speaking this truth to power.

It’s led to this kind of nonsense reporting:

This kind of reporting even led to a #DeleteInstagram hashtag trending on Twitter™.

Yes everybody, delete your Instagram accounts because a “whistleblower” claims the platform harms teenage girl’s self-image. Lets also burn our rock n’ roll LPs because they’re corrupting the youth and turning them onto the ways of the devil. Sweet sweet moral panic. Good to see nothing ever really changes as the decades roll by. Definitely don’t take active participation in the lives of your children, or anything like that. Let’s try to use the government to ban or shut things down like rational non-authoritarians.

We’re doing it guys! We’re creating further protections for elected officials and celebrities! Keep going! Maybe soon we can start jailing or executing people who speak ill of the King. We’ll be back in the 1700’s before we know it, and all because moral panic is an effective tool to convince dumb people to give up their rights and give more power and protections to the wealthy and elite. Yay!

That’s it little meatbags… get angry at the technology. Get angry at the scary technology that you can use as a proxy for all of society’s problems. Burn the effigy! It’s definitely Instagram’s fault that we live in an empty, narcissistic society full of people who feel the need to post 7000 selfies a day on social media for attention. That problem will definitely go away if Instagram doesn’t exists. These people won’t just continue seeking validation on some other platform.

Like this for example:

Yes, she’s finally free after deleting Instagram™, yet her entire Twitter™ feed is endless pictures of herself. Good thing she deleted evil Instagram™, and broke the cycle of constantly posting pictures for other’s validation on the internet. See how Instagram™ is quite obviously not the problem in this scenario? It’s like complaining that Pepsi™ is full of sugar, and bad for you, then switching over to Coke™ and patting yourself on the back for making a positive change.

So now that I’ve gone completely off into the weeds, I’ll get back on the track I started this post about, which was the brands reacting to the Twitter™ post above. Get ready to witness pure, unadulterated visual cringe.

Here are multiple Amazon™ brands just naturally responding to another brand, as brands tend to do. Brands, they’re just like us. Good to see people could take time off from pearl clutching about how evil Amazon™ is to give free promotion to their creepy digital assistant who eavesdrops on your conversations and snitches to the government:

You goofballs are irate over drivers peeing in bottles, but this is a non-issue? We truly have our priorities in order here.

Here we have two of my favorite fast food restaurants advertising under the Twitter™ tweet. I like Burger King™ fries, but Cambridge University™ definitely has the better milkshakes.

Hey guys, are you bored? What with Facebook™ being down and all. Well you’re in luck because instead of going outside and getting some fresh air, you can order a pizza from Domino’s™ (only the UK one) or download some shitty mobile games off Google™ to pass the time. Hell, why not just do both.

This is where it gets a little weirder. Metallica is just yelling like a little kid hopped up on Mountain Dew Baja Blast™ , but what’s that on the left? Did anyone else not know that KFC Gaming™ was an actual entity? Evidently it’s not a parody account and KFC actually has a console in development:

What, I say what in tarnation? A console that warms my KFC™ brand official gamer chicken? Hell yeah, brother. A little chicken grease dripping in my gaming console can’t possible create any issues. Hell, make the console liquid chicken-grease cooled.

Sportsball™ chimed in with a generic “how bout that game” response, because what else would they have to add to this discussion. Meanwhile, Pizza Hut™ completely missed the point of the original post and replied like the topic was Garfield comics.

Twitter™ : “Hey guys, our site is still up and running, while our competitor is having technical issues.”
Pizza Hut™ : “I’m gonna eat your lasagna and sit on your newspaper while you’re reading it 😂”.
Very cool Pizza Hut™ . Thanks for that.

The bean water companies weren’t going to be left out. Starbucks™ decided to just shill their overpriced caffeine juice, while Tim Hortons™ went completely off-topic, because evidently they’ve been hanging out with Pizza Hut™ a little too much.

Next up, we have Uno™, who have a Twitter™ account for some reason. I haven’t even heard of anybody playing Uno™ since like 1993. What other obscure games have Twitter™ accounts? Is Yahtzee™ on that site? How about Parcheesi™? Does Mouse Trap™ have an account so I can keep up-to-date with all the latest important Mouse Trap™ developments? Then Warner Bros™ chimes in with the most half-assed response imaginable.

Lastly, we have Zoom™ . They make a clever screen joke, because what else are they really gonna add to this discussion? It’s just Zoom™.

That’s all the brand responses I saved, even though there were dozens more. No brand would be caught dead missing the opportunity to advertise their shit below a viral tweet that got 3 million likes. People proceeded to “like” these blatant advertisements by the tens of thousands because people are suckers for being advertised to in a relatable way it seems.

All these accounts exist merely to advertise on Twitter™. That is their only purpose. They hit you with the ads on television, they hit you with the ads in magazines, they even hit you with the ads on YouTube™ and Twitch™. You’re crazy if you think they’re gonna miss out on the opportunity to advertise to you on Twitter™ as well. Yet people like this kind of thing instead of simply ignoring it, like they probably should.

I can’t wait for the future of advertising, wherein you’ll arrive back at your place after work, and McDonald’s™ welcomes you home right before telling you about the new McLobster Milkshake. This won’t phase you of course, because ads are everywhere. They’re everywhere because you insisted on inviting the brands into your home at every opportunity. You even rewarded the brands by “liking” all of their horseshit. This dystopia is your doing, so enjoy it.

Cultural Appropriation And Racist Journalists

Where do I even start with this one? Let’s start with the first part of that title.

Cultural Appropriation and Entitlement

Years ago I was going to write an article about cultural appropriation, specifically about how nonsensical of a concept is was. I decided against writing it, because at the time it seemed like a stupid fringe concept that was largely propped up by people with a complete inability to apply critical thought to anything. It’s one of those concepts that if you actually reason it out, it immediately falls apart once you realize how stupid it really is.

Unfortunately, idiocy prevails, and this simple-minded concept is still around and still being used. I don’t want to dwell on this too long because it isn’t the main point of this writing. A petty, grifting, racist journalist is. I’ll try to be brief here.

The argument is that if a person enjoys, uses, partakes in, wears, or performs anything not created by their specific race, they are engaging in “cultural appropriation”. There are a few massive problems here right off the bat.

To start, the term is always used in an entitled manner, 100% of the time. If never applies in both directions. If it doesn’t apply in both directions, it’s inherently hypocritical. Hypocritical concepts are garbage concepts, and consequently hold no validity.

Back in 2018, a white girl in Utah wore a Chinese-style dress to her prom. She wore it because she found it at a thrift store and thought it looked pretty. Of course the rampant dip-shittery of social media kicked in, and a bunch of people got outraged over a complete non-issue.

Yes, 178k people had issues with a girl simply wearing something from a different culture. The internet is truly a smart place full of intelligent people.

It also turns out Jeremy Lam was a bit of a racist, and had a twitter history full of unsavory stuff (liberally throwing the n-word around), for which he was cornered into apologizing for:

This is a phenomenally common theme among people online who call out other people for “cultural appropriation”. They’re just about always people with histories of racism who are merely looking for online validation from calling other people out. There seems to be a strong link between narcissism and racism.

The hypocrisy here is that a girl was being called out for wearing what was the Chinese equivalent of formal wear, or a woman’s “suit” essentially.

At no point did anyone complaining about “cultural appropriation” bring up the fact that the Chinese commonly wear European suits. The modern suit originated in England, yet it’s worn extensively all over the world. So a white girl can’t wear Chinese formal wear without harassment, but the Chinese can wear English formal wear and nobody bats an eye? Is this not a massive hypocrisy? “Cultural appropriation” is largely a bullshit concept, so I’m not going to expect consistency from it’s adherents.

Often if you call out these hypocrisies, someone will try to excuse their double standards by throwing around accusations of “colonization”. For example, they may claim that the Chinese wear suits, not because of their own free will to do so, but because “ThEy WeRe CoLoNizEd!” This excuse doesn’t hold water in this instance, because the only part of China that was ever colonized by Europeans was Hong Kong, which currently accounts for only 7 million of China’s 1.4 billion population. This is like claiming the culture of San Antonio, Texas dictates the culture of the entire US. Both places represent only about 1/185th of the entire population. China decided to wear suits because they are a grown-up ass country who can make decisions for themselves. “Cultural appropriation” is also a term that is distinctly American in it’s ignorance, and not generally observed by other countries.

Japan was never colonized at all, and they willingly adopted the use of European suits as well, which kind of throws a wrench in the whole “colonization” argument, and shows that cultures often employ things that originated in other cultures. Once again, they don’t view this adoption as “cultural appropriation”, which is a term that goofy Americans created.

It’s also important to note that Americans tend to be appallingly ignorant of any history outside of what little U.S. history they actually know. The “colonization” crowd tends to be blissfully unaware of all the non-European empires that colonized the world. I’m not as knowledgeable on this subject as I’d like to be, but here’s a brief Quora answer that highlights a few examples:

Here’s another great example of “cultural appropriation” not being called out uniformly:

Where were those 178k people from Jeremy Lam’s post to call out this cultural appropriation? It’s almost as if the people complaining about cultural appropriation only see it as a problem when white people are doing it. 🤔Thinking face emoji.

As previously mentioned, “cultural appropriation” is largely an American gripe, and is essentially segregationist in nature. America is a melting pot of numerous cultures, and people should be free to interact with and enjoy other people’s cultures. There have been times in US history were other’s cultures were oppressed or demonized, so we should probably be in favor of not gatekeeping everyone’s cultures at this point in history. Unfortunately the “cultural appropriation” crowd are the ones standing in the way of this goal.

Having said all this, I understand there are arguments to be made about the commercialization/monetization of other’s cultures, or erasure of cultural histories, but these are rarely actually the focus of people’s ire. The 178k people whining about a white girl simply wearing a Chinese dress weren’t making a point about commercialization or erasure. There were merely engaging in cultural gatekeeping, which is kind of gross.

Here’s a YouTube comment I dug up from 5 years ago illustrating that even then, people seemed to agree that entitlement was the driving force behind the cultural appropriation call-outs:

I’ve gone on a bit long with the intro to this piece, so let’s get to the actual subject.

Mediocre, Racist Journalists

There is no shortage of mediocre writers and journalists on Twitter who are absolutely garbage human beings, yet are verified by Twitter and continue to have decent online followings. This section is about one such individual.

In the year of our Lord 2021 A.D., one “Roslyn Talusan” decided to gatekeep a white lady writing a book about noodles.

She was consequently inundated with replies asking her why exactly it mattered that a white lady wrote a book about noodles:

Upon being completely ass-blasted in the replies, she did what any narcissist would do. She didn’t admit defeat or reach the conclusion that perhaps she was wrong, but instead, decided to double down.

Hey guys. I wasn’t being serious when I whined about a white lady writing a book. I was just joking. You guys are the idiots because you didn’t realize the thing I was self-righteously complaining about was actually just me joking. It wouldn’t have been a joke if everyone was receptive of my tweet and agreed with it, but because it received so much backlash, it’s now a joke all of a sudden. I’m totally not mad you guys. I’m not losing sleep over this at all.

Same energy:

She literally wrote a 14 tweet barrage explaining how everyone who was disagreeing with her was an idiot, mad, or a racist. Anyone ready for some good old fashioned irony?

She’s accusing people of being “fatphobic” and anti-black because people were responding to a phenomenally racist black woman who she’s friends with, constantly retweets, and who came to her defense.

Yes, that’s the woman she’s accusing people of being anti-black for responding to. The woman saying “sexy and white should not be in the same sentence”. The woman who also regularly tweets shit like this, who Roslyn happily retweets:

I legitimately can’t tell if Roslyn is too stupid to understand the irony of accusing others of being racist while literally liking, retweeting, and outright saying racist shit herself. She might just be so arrogant that she doesn’t see posting stuff like this as racist:

For anyone who doesn’t know, “yt” is a racist dog-whistle for “white”. It’s a way of posting racist remarks on social media, so that other racists can agree with and like your posts. Meanwhile most people are unaware of what “yt” means, and are confused by your posts, assuming “yt” stands for YouTube or something.

This is similar the term “jogger” that was used heavily in 2020. Ahmaud Arbery was pursued and killed by three white men in February of 2020 for allegedly trespassing on someone’s property in the area. He was jogging down the road before the confrontation began. Because of this, racists started to used the term “jogger” to refer to black people in the aftermath. This is a dog-whistle. If someone posted “I hate joggers” on twitter, the average person might just assume they were literally talking about people jogging. Other racists who were familiar with the term would know they were talking about black people and like their posts. The point of a dog-whistle is to be discreet. Only other racists should be in on the terminology. This only works up until the point that people start to catch on though.

Roslyn is a “writer” evidently, so there is no reason she would be spelling white as “yt”, unless she was doing so as a dog-whistle. Here she is continuing to use it in 2020:

A psychologist might look at a tweet like this and see a potential source of why Roslyn started to dislike “yt” people so much. It seems whatever therapist she’s going to is a waste of her money and not really doing her any good however.

This is something else she constantly does on her feed. Begs people for money. Some therapist is bamboozling her out of thousands a year, and the racists who follow her get to foot the bill. Perhaps if she got a hobby and stopped posting toxic shit all over twitter all day, her mental health might improve a little bit. That would be my advice and she doesn’t even need to pay me $1700 dollars for it.

Here she is a mere six days ago posting pure irony in concentrated form:

The irony meter is off the charts with this one. This woman posted a hot, steamy shit-take on twitter, got mostly even-keeled responses, then proceeded to spent the next 24 hours playing the victim. She’s still doubling down and playing the victim as I type this, trying to earn more victim-bucks by posting her paypal yet again. What an absolute goof-fest.

To further prove she totally isn’t racist and only the people disagreeing with her are the racists, here’s a montage of her calling white people “translucents”, which is funny because it shows she’s too dumb to understand why that’s used as a derogatory term in the first place:

Translucent means allowing light to pass through. It’s a term certain racists use for light-skinned people. In yet another case of irony, Roslyn the dumb-dumb doesn’t seem to grasp that she’s every bit as pale as most white people, therefore the term technically applies to her as well. This would be like Wesley Snipes calling Idris Elba a “darkie” as a derogatory term. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would someone be offended by a term you call them that could apply to you as well? If you’re a dummy dumb-dumb pants, you probably wouldn’t see the ridiculousness of it all. Racists are typically dumb people.

The funny thing is, if she had just moved on after the initial stupid-ass post about the noodle book, everyone would forgotten about her within a day or two. She could have gone back to tweeting and retweeting racist stuff to her swamp of followers. But because she had to be a thin-skinned narcissist, and write a 14-post rant in the aftermath while playing the victim, she slipped up and exposed her racism. That’s where people like me come it to dig through their past tweets, and expose them as shitheads.

This is an all-too-common trope unfortunately. A “progressive liberal” type with a timeline full of virtue signalling and calling out injustices who also has a history full of racist tweets. None of this stops them from getting hired into trashy online publications, amassing followings, and getting verified. I could highlight one of these types every week and never run out of content. Then I’d feel gross after reading through their timelines, and I’d need to beg for money for a therapist.

She’s probably still out there somewhere, sitting at her computer, madly insisting she’s not wrong and continuing to call people Nazis for disagreeing with her. Sounds like a very healthy, fun existence.

I’m going to wrap this up by typing her name a lot so hopefully the SEO gods smile upon me, and this post shows up when you search her name. That way more people will know who she is, that she desperately needs help, and can donate more money to her paypal.

Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan. Roslyn Talusan.

On second though, I should stop this. She might pop out of a mirror like Beetlejuice if I repeat her name too many times.

The LAPD Almost Blew Up a Neighborhood

July 4th is here, so be responsible with your fireworks. Definitely don’t almost blow up a neighborhood like the LAPD did a few days ago.

Thank goodness those dangerous Fizzy Spinners™ and Bunghole Blasters™ were taken off the street before they were able to fall into the hands of an ISIS member or something. We can all feel safer knowing the LAPD confiscated those Poopity Poppers™ before they accidentally went off and gave somebody a second degree burn.

Great work out there fellas. Thank goodness we had you there to… wait a minute. What’s this “explosion” you’re talking about here? What did you guys do? Did you guys botch another fireworks confiscation?

So the LAPD blew up their 1 million dollar truck, and took out a bunch of cars, trashcans, and perhaps even a whole-ass tree along with it. 17 people were injured, but luckily there were no deaths.

Here is a before, during, and after shot of this “safe” detonation:

Here is another angle of the before and during:

Here is a post about some of the house damage it caused:

The best part of it all, is that they were just like “Whoops. Not sure what happened”, then continued posting on twitter as if they didn’t blow up a block in some neighborhood.

Hey guys! Fireworks can be dangerous, and can cause serious injuries. Probably not as serious as the 17 people we injured by setting off a semi truck bomb a mere three days ago. Have you guys forgotten we did that yet? No? Well, we’ll just keep pretending it didn’t happen until you do.

Anyways, be careful out there with those Weenie Whistlers™ and Scrote Exploders™. Whatever you do, DO NOT put them all into the back of a truck and attempt to detonate them out in the middle of the street. That is the LAPD’s job.

The Orange Man and Tech Censorship

Guess who just got unpersoned on the internet? No, not Smash Mouth™. Nope, not that short dude with no neck from that reality show. Definitely not Scott Bakula either. Give up? This guy:

The oligarchy of U.S. tech companies met up in their secret bunker and decided to give ole’ Trumpy the boot. Sorry big guy. No more beefing with celebrities and calling your political opponents dumb losers for the time being.

Some people are big mad at Trump being exiled, while some are ecstatic. Most seem to be a bit delusional as to the actual reason he was given the boot. Tech companies always give some bullshit explanation about “T.O.S. (Term of Service) violations”, but this isn’t the reality of the situation.

Here it is:

Yeah.. no. No, they didn’t ban Trump to “save democracy”, but it’s absolutely adorable that you actually think that. You probably believe in witchcraft too, so I’m not gonna hold you to too high of a standard here “moonmagic66”.

This isn’t about safety or Terms of Service violations. It’s not about saving anything other than the company itself. It’s about P.R. and corporate optics. It’s bad P.R. for these sites to not ban Trump. Not getting rid of him would lead to them getting hurt the only place it matters to them. Their wallets.

Peep this Jpeg:

Now how exactly are Pinterest™ and TikTok™ saving democracy by banning Trump? Was he going to upload a quiche recipe and film a K-Pop dance video? How about Spotify™? Are they preventing Trump from dropping a hot new mixtape? He doesn’t even use any of those platforms. None of them mattered. These are just empty gestures.

These companies don’t do things like banning high profile people out of some sort of virtuous gesture. They do so to stave off bad P.R. The middle-aged housewives who use Pinterest™ to post eleventy billion photos of their cats aren’t going to stage a mutiny against the company now. “Yay! My favorite social media platform banned someone who probably wasn’t even aware it existed! Democracy is saved!”.

The only two platforms the fella used on that list are Facebook™ and Twitter™. I’ve never seen his Facebook™ page, and it looks like I’ll never get to now, but I’m assured that it did in fact exist. I wonder if he used it to post any dank memes. His Twitter™ account is for sure gone though.

Ah, yes. Look there. It appears that Trump violated the “Twitter Rules™”, whatever those actually are. Unfortunately not even Twitter™ knows what their own damn rules are. Seriously. Twitter™ is an absolute shit-hole of a site, and I’m not being facetious either. I’m on it all the time to research these posts and I need to take a shower afterwards. Here’s a list of things you can find on Twitter™ at this very moment that somehow don’t violate their arbitrary and barely enforced “Twitter Rules™”:

– Child Porn
– Death Threats
– Virulent Homophobia
– Pro-Genocide Propaganda
– Blatant Racism
– And Many Other Hits!

Yes, child porn. When I first heard the rumblings that there was a bit of a child porn problem on Twitter™, I initially though it was hyperbole, or some conspiracy theory. But alas, there are so many accounts peddling the stuff that people have started accounts whose sole purpose is to highlight the offending accounts so their followers can mass report them. These illicit accounts continue to stay up until enough people complain and Twitter™ finally deletes them, only for more to immediately pop up. Great system you got there, Twitter™

this account was eventually banned

Let’s also tackle the pro-genocide propaganda, shall we? That certainly sounds like something that should be in violation of the “Twitter Rules™”.

You read that right. A Chinese government account pushing propaganda that a “study” was done showing Uygur women were actually happier now that they’ve had their state-sanctioned sterilization. The “eradicating extremism” alludes to where the government rounded up all the Muslims and put them into re-education camps to make them less Muslim-y. Soon they’ll be way less Muslim-y, because they can’t reproduce. And Twitter™ apparently had no problem with this content.

That is, until enough people complained and the post was removed. The account is still there posting all kinds of delicious propaganda, but that single post was removed. This only happened because enough people reported it, not because Twitter™ saw a problem with it to begin with. Do you see how this whole “it’s a P.R. thing, not T.O.S. thing” works?

People have been complaining to Twitter™ to ban Trump for the better part of the last four years. There were petitions and all those other pointless trivialities people like to sign because they think that’s how the world works. Dude’s been violating their T.O.S. constantly for the last four years. Was the 67th time the one that finally did it?

If he had ended up winning a second term, you can bet your sweet cheeks there’s no chance he would have been banned. He was entirely too good for engagement on their platform. None of that really matters now, because he was down to his last 2 weeks in office. Twitter™ really has nothing to lose at this point.

I know it must come as a shock that corporations do things for personal benefit and not for the greater good. This next revelation will probably come as a shock too, so you might want to sit down. Ok… you know how all those companies change their logos for pride month? That’s just a P.R. move too. Can you believe it?

Same as when they black out their social media over a death. It’s purely performative. Do you honestly think Nike™ cares if a black dude gets shot by the police? Nike™ doesn’t even care enough about human life to not use kids as slave labor. If you do happen to have a reputation for using slave labor, it’s certainly good P.R. to hop on the latest social cause band wagons though. Unfortunately this tactic seems to actually work.

Hey there Black Community. Times got ya down? Don’t worry, *checks notes* Gushers™ brand fruity childhood diabetes fruit snacks has your back. What exactly they’ve done beyond virtue signalling to earn empty likes and grow their social media presence is anyone’s guess. But at least they’ve put in the minimal amount of effort possible to acknowledge a problem, and that’s what really counts.

it’s not just 3rd tier childhood fruit snacks getting in on the action. The Banks™ are Oil™ companies are all in on the action now too.

Good to see that you guys could take time off foreclosing on people’s houses and dumping oil on baby seal’s faces to make a statement about something that doesn’t affect you. Regardless of who ends up in the White House, you’re just going to bribe them to be allowed to continue doing shitty things anyway, but thank you for the sentiment. I’ll sleep safer tonight knowing that the Banks™ continue to be a voice of morality in our society.

This trend where corporations create twitter accounts to try to meme and get political is so embarrassing. Just sell me your cancer and stop trying to be relatable. We all know what you’re here for, and it isn’t to make a change, or join the discourse.

Ben and Jerry’s™ ice cream is consistently one of the worst cases of this. They type out 9-page political diatribes every time something in U.S. politics happens. At this point, they’re essentially just a political account that occasionally tweets out something about their actual products. They post these feel-good, boilerplate statements so that their pre-diabetic Northeastern housewife audience can pat themselves on the back for being “progressive” while gorging down another pint of I’m With Her Kale Quinoa Explosion.

The two guys who founded the company literally have nothing to do with it anymore. Unilever™ has owned it since 2000, and has actively gone out of their way to keep the whole “socially conscience” vibe going, despite Unilever being about as socially conscience as Exxon. The account is probably run by someone in a marketing department in Malaysia somewhere. The housewives don’t need to know this though. Just keep shoveling ice cream in their direction.

At least Steak-Umm™ is honest about it’s intentions:

So maybe stop attributing political benevolence to what corporations do. They literally don’t care until they are forced to for some reason, and that reason is usually monetary. Tech corporations shouldn’t be applauded for blatantly ignoring their own T.O.S., even if they occasionally make a good call in banning someone. They’re corporations, not people, and should be held accountable and held to some sort of standard in how they operate.

Most importantly, why is nobody concerned about this:

Twitter™ and Facebook™ just tanked an entire grifter industry. These people have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Now they’re going to have to go get real jobs, and that is an injustice. Won’t somebody think of these fine folks? The least Twitter™ could do is create a TrumpBot that procedurally generates Trump tweets so these people can continue tweeting hysterically in the mentions and selling #resist shirts to conspiratorial soccer moms. It’s the least they could do.

So What’s New?

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hope everyone had a good time out there. Let’s hop back on social media and see what’s going on in the world, and OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING.

Is 1776 commencing again? Are they shooting a Michael Bay movie? What’s going on here?

Is this an Assassin’s Creed re-enactment? Are you guys doing parkour? There’s stairs over there to the right. Why don’t you just take those instead. There are easier ways to get up there. You guys are going to get hurt doing that. Stop it.

Did they release a new Fallout game? Those ps5 graphics are looking pretty damn good. The fur on that Davy Crockett hats almost looks lifelike. Which side quest is this?

What are you doing sir? Where did you get that? That doesn’t belong to you. Put that back this instance. Stop playing around, man. You’re gonna get in big trouble.

So it seems a bunch of people who were convinced we’re dealing with a stolen election decided to storm the Capitol building to “save Democracy” because they’ve seen Braveheart™ one too many times. Noble intentions perhaps, but misguided and a bit on the problematic side.

To start with, the election wasn’t stolen. More people simply showed up to vote for the not-Trump guy. There was an increased eligible voter turnout of 7-10% in 2020 as compared to 2016. Here’s that pew poll showing that 56% of Biden voters were holding their noses and voting for the progressive with the pro-segregation past simply because they hated Trump that much:

A lot of people disliked the guy. The election was extremely close, but acting like it was a no-contest blow-out, and that it’s infeasible he could have possibly lost is ridiculous. Just because he claims he lost, doesn’t mean an entire election was illegitimate.

Given how Trump has acted the last month, the fears of the people voting against him weren’t entirely unfounded. He really hasn’t handled the entire affair very gracefully, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. His refusal to accept defeat no doubt had an effect on what transpired in Washington yesterday. He eventually got blocked on twitter and facebook after a day-long tirade of screaming “rigged election”:

Now there are all sorts of conspiracy theories all over social media about the event. A lot of the left is convinced that the police were in on this, and “let it happen”, while a lot of the right is convinced that these people were actually Antifa in MAGA disguises. Not only that, but a lot of the right is also now agreeing with the left that the police let Trump supporters in, seemingly because it changes the narrative against the Trump folks. Being inside the Capitol building can’t be a crime if they were just let in. It’s all so very ridiculous, but so par for the course at this point.

If anything, it seems the government buildings were a little too underprotected, given that a major event was happening in D.C. at the time, which isn’t a great look for government competency.

Evidently Trump had a “Save America Rally” at the Ellipse park just south of the White House. After that, a bunch of the crowd traveled the roughly mile and a half over to the Capitol Building to do whatever it was they were attempting to accomplish.

To be fair, I’m sure nobody was expecting anyone to storm the Capitol since it literally hasn’t happened in over two hundred years:

Nobody had ever flown planes into the Twin Towers until that happened as well, so there really isn’t a good excuse for the unpreparedness. You can guarantee they’re gonna be spending more tax dollars on defense now, so that $750 billion is about to go up. Maybe the White House will get some new automated turrets installed. Finally, something that benefits the people.

I’ve been seeing this kind of cognitive bias hot take a lot as well:

The old “if x group did this it would be different” narrative that people absolutely love falling back on, regardless of how detached from reality it actually is.

First off, the FBI is already aggressively pursuing anybody involved, which should be an easy task, given how many people were filming the whole ordeal.

DC Metro Police are on the hunt as well, and also offering $1,000 rewards for info about those involved with breaching the Capitol building.

There were also probably more Starbucks™ establishments destroyed during the 2020 rioting than any other type of building, making that tweet above a bit ironic. I don’t recall anyone particularly caring too much about the coffee establishments, let alone the police, who probably had better things to do that that time. Or maybe they didn’t. Who knows.

Oh yeah. There’s also this:

In another instance of irony, an executive order that increased penalties for the destruction of government property, and was aimed at people destroying statues during the riots last year, is gonna end up burning anyone who destroyed anything in the Capitol building.

Sec. 2.  Policy.  (a)  It is the policy of the United States to prosecute to the fullest extent permitted under Federal law, and as appropriate, any person or any entity that destroys, damages, vandalizes, or desecrates a monument, memorial, or statue within the United States or otherwise vandalizes government property.  The desire of the Congress to protect Federal property is clearly reflected in section 1361 of title 18, United States Code, which authorizes a penalty of up to 10 years’ imprisonment for the willful injury of Federal property.

These people are gonna be in bigger trouble than if they had destroyed a Starbucks™, something people literally did and received misdemeanors and probation for.

The silver lining in all this, is that it will no doubt lead to a bunch of draconian Government overreach. We’re now going to have the NSA scrubbing through grandma’s facebook account and putting a gun to Apple’s head to let them see all the personal pictures on your phone. It’s for the governments your safety though, so don’t worry about it. So, thanks for that folks. Good work.

Pour Your 40oz Out For The Grifters

note: this article was written on 11/27/20 and auto-uploaded

So it looks like Trump is on his way out. The people I feel for the most with this exchange of power are the battalion of grifters who got rich off doing nothing other than being anti-Trump. How are they going to make a living now?

I agree with the guy with the Totoro avatar. Trump was a boon for grifters. Numerous people and organizations watched their stars rise by hanging out in Trump’s mentions on twitter, and yelling into the void like coked-up children.

People like the Krassenstein brothers: two himbos with the combined IQ of two six-year-olds stacked on top of each other under a trench coat. Ed and Brian unintentionally provided hours of entertainment with their absolutely special-needs level hot takes on Trump and politics. Unfortunately, they both got the boot off Twitter for running fake accounts, but not before amassing over 1.6 million followers between the both of them. They liked to comment on either other’s posts in a completely naturally and not at all forced manner like so:

I’ll also miss Eugene Gu, the fake doctor pretending to be a real doctor, who spends 12 hours a day obsessively yelling at Trump on twitter. You know, stuff actual doctors have the time to do. He’s gained half a million followers by replying to every single Trump tweet approximately 10 seconds after they’re posted. You know, stuff an actual doctor would totally do. Here he is writing a novel to Trump over a meme he posted last year:

Next up is Jeff Tiedrich. He’s a bit of a mystery wrapped in an enigma. He also might legitimately have an undiagnosed mental disorder. Literally all the guy does is whine about Trump on twitter, and it’s netted him over 600k followers in 2 years. He’s also suckered 100 people into paying him actual monthly donations on Patreon to whine about Trump. The grift is real. He’s going to have a really hard time making a living when Biden is in office. I hope he invested that money wisely. Here he is making the same old corny joke sixteen times, because his followers are evidently all children and never stop finding it funny:

Last but not least is The Lincoln Project™, one of the most magnificent grifts that was ever grifted in the history of grifts. It’s a PAC started by a bunch of George W Bush and John McCain cronies with the intention of surfing the #Resistance wave to untold fortunes. Their shtick is being anti-Trump to goad largely Democrat voters to donate to them. It’s working wonderfully by the way. They have 2.7 million followers on twitter and have pulled in about $60 million this year alone.

Most of the people involved are level-headed enough to have scrubbed their social media of anything that might give the grift away, except Rick Wilson. Rick is the loose cannon of the bunch. The guy has a history of saying incendiary things that he curbed (mostly) once he started his grift aimed at Democrats. Here’s a super cut of some of his greatest hits:

He doesn’t shit all over Obama and Biden since the Lincoln Project started. Anyone wanna venture a guess why that is? Here’s some of his other hits:

Those are some quality tweets, Rick. The last one is from Ben Howe, who used to be the Lincoln Project’s video editor until someone dug up the above tweet and he was canned for obvious P.R. reasons. He has me blocked on twitter for some reason, even though I’ve never interacted with him. I guess being blocked is better than being shot in the face though, right Ben?

Let’s see how this grift survives now that Trump is out of office. We might need to start a go-fund-me for a few of these folks once they’re out of work in a month.

Election Accomplished

Congrats everybody. We successfully electioned. Well, as successful as one can election in the U.S. I suppose.

It appears as though the 2020 election was essentially a flip of the 2016 election:

It’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t exactly a landslide. Far from it. This election came down to a few close races in a few states. There was only a 0.3% difference between the candidate’s total votes in Arizona, a 0.7% difference in Wisconsin, and a 0.2% difference in Georgia. These 3 states alone accounted for 37 electoral votes. All three ultimately went blue, but with such tiny margins (only 12k votes in Georgia), they could have easily gone red.

This win was essentially a 3 pointer at the buzzer. It was a close call, just like in the sports ball games. Trump wasn’t taking it all that well that his team was losing however:

Twitter even rolled out a special new fact check notification to plaster all over his tweets. That was very nice of twitter.

He also sent out some crazy emails that make me bummed that I wasn’t on his mailing list. I feel like I was missing out on some great entertainment in my inbox these last few weeks:

So how did we get here? How could “Literally Hitler” have come so close to winning another election? Put on your tinfoil hat and hear me out.

How did we go from a whole-ass lineup of potential Dem candidates, many of whom were quite popular, to ending up with a guy who already had a long terrible government record, and a gal who dropped out of the running last year after polling at single digit approval ratings? It happened completely organically of course.

Just joking.

When people rally behind candidates that aren’t endorsed by the establishment, said establishment will always find a way to torpedo those candidates. Tulsi Gabbard started to overtake Kamala Harris in the polls in October of last year. This is coincidentally also around the time Hillary Clinton (the establishment) started to field rumors that Tulsi was a “Russian asset”:

The “I’m With Her” types can still be found all over social media to this day calling anyone and everyone a Russian asset:

Well, if someone as honest and uncorrupt as Hillary Clinton said it, it obviously has to be true Jeanne. Your misnaming of Tulsi also really drives home the point that you obviously follow politics and aren’t merely regurgitating stuff you’ve heard from potentially dubious sources. You can go back to healing yourself with crystals and checking your horoscope, Jeanne. Thanks for your input on this matter.

Kamala Harris eventually dropped out in early December 2019, and Gabbard followed suit in March of 2020.

What about Andrew Yang? He was a fairly popular candidate. They got to him too, unfortunately. This is where we have to face the unpopular-for-some-people truth that the mainstream media is also part of the establishment, i.e. those who hold the power to shape our elections.

This great website details the countless incidents between March 2019, and February 2020 wherein completely impartial, unbiased media outlets such as MSNBC and CNN constantly left Yang out of debate graphics and polling charts, listed his name wrong, and even used a completely different Asian guy in graphics of him:

Once or twice could be misconstrued as honest mistakes, but these incidents occurred over 50 times in the lead-up to the election. We’re on to you, the media.

Bernie Sanders had a huge following leading up to the 2016 election, and he too was unceremoniously disposed of by the establishment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t archiving all this at the time, but you can find stuff like this all around the internet of 2016:

This article refers to emails released via WikiLeaks showing that Debbie Wasserman Schultz, then head of the DNC, favored Hillary Clinton, acted on her behalf, and actively attempted to undermine the Sanders campaign. She subsequently resigned from the position, only to immediately be hired by Hillary:

Schultz was also Clinton’s campaign co-chair during her 2008 run for President, prior to ending up as the head of the DNC. I can’t help but feel there are quite a few conflicts of interest going on in this scenario. And people have the gall to believe U.S. politics is full of corruption. The nerve.

Let’s go back to 2012 now.

Anybody remember that year’s rising star who got royally screwed by the establishment? Anybody remember Ron Paul?

Here he is topping all kinds of polls, prior to being unceremoniously unpersoned by the powers that be. Why did this happen? Because he was vehemently small-government and anti-war. The establishment wants more government power and more war. When he was doing a little too well, the media decided to refuse to acknowledge his existence on television, which predictably hurt his campaign. The Daily Show did a great segment on this back in 2011 that you can find on YouTube under: (John Stewart) Media vs Ron Paul

This literally happens every election cycle. It’ll happen in 2024 too. There will be some candidate or candidates who get popular, only to be blacklisted by the media and slandered by establishment politicians. People will buy into it, and we’ll end up with a nice wholesome establishment warmonger yet again.

Here are some random charts showing media coverage of candidates for the 2012 race and the 2020 race:

The less coverage the media gives a candidate, on average the worse they tend to do. If a candidate is gaining in the polls, the media can merely cease covering them and this will reduce their poll numbers. Conversely, more coverage can positively affect the polls. Notice in the second chart that the media chose to give Harris the second most coverage despite the fact that she never polled beyond single digits. Now she is Vice President. Surely, this is just a coincidence.

Finally, here is a former MSNBC producer highlighting some of the behind-the-scenes working of the major news outlets:

So, yes, the media absolutely has a hand in gate-keeping who does and doesn’t end up in the lead in our U.S. elections, which is going to need to change if we want to have actual fair, Democratic elections in the future.

Taking all this into account, Biden was potentially destined to be the candidate going back as far as June of last year. All these debates might just be one big dog and pony show, giving people the illusion that they are participating in Democracy, when the only choice they actually have is voting between whatever final red or blue candidate is handed to them.

Having said that, it does no good to prop up a candidate unless people are willing to show up and vote for said pre-selected candidate. How do you get people to vote for your potentially unpopular, pre-selected candidate? There is an answer for that too.

You have to actively make the alternative look as bad as humanly possible. This is where we end up with the “lesser of two evils” scenario within U.S. politics. If your candidate is shitty, just make the other guy look even shittier. People will predictably vote for the smaller turd nugget.

It’s at this point we have the media attempting to convince people that Trump is a fascist, and literally Hitler for the better part of the last year and a half. Both of these assertions are ridiculous to anyone who has any grasp of history. The average American has little grasp of history, so this tactic is actually quite effective unfortunately.

They pulled this with Bush 2 back when he was in office. He was deemed a fascist, war-monger, anti-Christ for eight years, until he was replaced by his future pal Obama, who ended up having a very similar record on everything that was supposed to be bad during Bush administration. Now they are best friends and play Fortnite™ together on the weekends.

There are people who are still surprised when they see countless pictures of the Bushes and Obamas hanging out. “How can Michelle hug a war criminal?”, the enlightened one will usually ask. Because she’s married to Obama, sir and or ma’am. Do you think her husband was building playgrounds for 8 years in the middle east?

Having said that, at least Obama ran on a good platform that was in direct opposition to the negative that occurred during the Bush administration. It’s just a shame that he didn’t actually carry through with any of it.

Biden simply ran on the platform of “At least I’m not Trump”. His only selling point seemed to be that Trump handled Covid bad, and he somehow wouldn’t have. Trump did handle Covid bad. Biden would have handled Covid bad as well, so this is a ridiculous platform to run on.

Let me introduce you to the H1N1 virus of 2009, aka the Swine Flu. Biden was vice president during this time. If you notice in the diagram above, the U.S. is a black color. That color represents the countries that got hit hardest by this virus. The U.S. managed this virus somewhat poorly as you can see. The U.S. has a rather long history of managing viruses rather poorly, regardless of which party is in the White House. Believing that Biden is a Christ figure who would have lessened our current virus burden by much is a stretch. The way we manage viruses needs to be reassessed, independent of political party.

Far too many people are under the impression that the two big parties in the U.S. are diametrically opposed to each other. The old good guy and bad guy trope. The truth is that they tend to share more of their platforms than they differ. Neither is terribly anti-war, neither is doing a bang up job on education, both love big money and corporations, and neither seems to really care about the drug addiction and homelessness problems. This is how I tend to see it:

In this masterful artwork, you can see a great divide between the two parties on the left. On the right, you can see a great overlap between the two parties. A lot of people vote like the image on the left is a reality, when perhaps things are a little bit closer to the image on the right. Biden isn’t even in office yet, and there are already disappointing realities being unleashed on a near daily basis. These probably aren’t representative of the change people were hoping for:

Biden is already picking some real winners. He probably won’t have the same revolving-door cabinet of weirdos that Trump went through, but things aren’t looking all that progressive thus far. It’s still establishment, but it’ll be a kinder, gentler establishment.

Luckily, we can sleep soundly knowing the mainstream media outlets are about to take a giant four year nap. It’ll only be right wing or smaller left-leaning outlets who are going to report on all the bad things coming our way from this point on. Meanwhile, the Democrat-leaning mainstream is going to be doing this non-stop:

Thank goodness Trump is finally gone so we can get back to doing journalism about dogs, psychics, and socks. You know, the hard-hitting stuff. Make sure you don’t hold anyone to task for following through on campaign promises now. It’s not like that’s your job or anything.

This happened for eight years during the Obama administration, which is why people still think that everything bad that exists only started happening approximately four years ago some how. You have popular sentiments like this:

Thank god those cages that Obama and future president Biden built are going to poof out of existence now that Trump is gone. Not to be too hyperbolic, but this is kind of like re-electing Hitler to dismantle Auschwitz. Even Snopes isn’t going out of their way to run interference for this unfortunate fact:

When it comes down to it, perhaps we’re still stuck in traffic, but we’ve merely switched lanes. We’re still not getting anywhere soon, but the view will be slightly different for a bit.