It’s All Downhill From Here.

Every creative mind eventually reaches that point where they accomplish their masterwork; that definitive statement that symbolizes the culmination of their life’s work. Well, my friends, family, spam bots, and random Nigerians who arrived here via bad search-engine optimization… here is my Citizen Kane:


Wow.  I don’t know about you, but that left me breathless.  I can’t even right now, you guys.  Just… wow.

Seriously though… can you believe how deep that was?  All the nuance.  All the layers.  It was like a visual feast of lasagna for the soul.

Seriously seriously though… I learned a lot while crafting this modern day epic.  I learned that tomatoes are actually a fruit.  I learned that all the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666. I learned that everybody I disagree with is more than likely “literally Hitler”.

I also learned a bit about cult of personality.

I never understood why so many seemingly intelligent people would gleefully back a modern politician, when none of them does more good than harm while in office.  Between the last two administrations, U.S. citizens have had their privacy and rights stripped at an alarming rate.  From the passing of the Patriot Act, to the limp, sort-of-a-fix Freedom Act that followed, to the continued propagation of a surveillance-state, the overreach of the NSA, FBI, and CIA, etc.  On top off all this, both parties have continually ignored improving the education and industry in the poorest areas, both black and white, whom they have no qualms gleefully preying upon for practically guaranteed votes.

So why would anybody slap their hands together like a trained seal over any of these regressive, ineffectual goofs?

While making this video, I amassed quite the collection of presidential verbal and physical gaffes.  In doing so, I started to notice something.  George W Bush was a goldmine of physical and verbal slip-ups, while Donald Trump has been a verbal train wreck, and Hillary Clinton held it down in the physical slip-up department.  I could have produced a full 5 minute video with any of these folk’s gaffes alone.  Barack Obama was a different case, however.

The guy rarely said anything stupid, and only tripped on one occasion that I could find.  Most of his gaffes had to do with him playing sports very poorly, or working out with the finesse of a little girl.  I didn’t even use much footage of him in my video, because quite frankly, it wasn’t very entertaining.

All of this footage acquisition served to bolster a belief I’ve had for quite some time now.  That belief being that people who don’t follow politics very closely tend to judge politicians purely on optics rather than actual policy.  This seems like a fairly obvious observation, but the people who are prone to this behavior tend to be in denial of the fact that they operate this way.  They think their opinions on politicians are dictated by some sort of knowledge they possess.  Grill them about some basics on politics however, and you realize they’re merely absorbing their opinion on the matter from some source, much like a plant suckling sweet sun milk out of that great teat in the sky.  Whatever that means.

Hence, people who engage in this cult of personality, elevating up politicians for no actual legitimate reason, will always focus on the gaffes.  Obama had great optics.  He spoke well, looked sharp, and never looked confused.  Even if he had shanked 14 Guatemalan children in the face, there are people who would have ignored that transgression, and still held him up as something extraordinary.  Meanwhile, Bush said something moronic, or tripped over something at least twice a week, and so it was easy for those same people to set him up as the villain.  To anyone actually paying attention to the policies however, neither guy was exceptional, or all that bad.  They were two sides to the same coin.  They could have been in a buddy cop movie together.  Maybe they still will be.

The point I’m trying to make here, is that 9/11 was an inside job, and every president had their hand on the button just a little bit.  We were all an inside job.  We were all 9/11.  Never forget us.  Never forget that you were an inside job.  Never forget that Tower 7 was because of you.  Yes it was.  Stop lying to yourself.  You did that.  I forgive you though.

Punching Evil In The Face

I just finished up this rad video yesterday.  I’ve been working on it for well over a month now.  I don’t think I’ve ever worked this long on anything before, except maybe a guitar that I’ve slowly been refinishing and rebuilding for like 2 years.  But lets not get sidetracked.  The important thing is that I made something that is awesome and you should probably feast your eyes on it, if you know what’s good for you.

It’s a video about people and things getting punched in the face, that should probably get punched in “real life”, but I’m not trying to go to jail on assault charges.  Also, a couple of the things getting punched aren’t around any more, and I’m not capable of time travel or leaving the physical plane.  I’m still getting the point across that I don’t approve of their shenanigans though.  So the people and things in this video better cut the nonsense out immediately, or else I might have to do another one of these.  I probably won’t though, since I don’t want to put like 60+ hours into something that only 14 people will see.

So here it is.  It’s made up of 135 individual photo-shopped images that were edited together to look like a sweet-ass video game. It’s like a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, but with no actual drawing skill, and heaps more awesomeness and green screen effects.  Eat it, Hanna-Barbera.

Hey Bro. You Like Cute Kitten Compilations?

What’s up fam?  I heard you like cat videos.  Don’t lie.  A mutual friend told me that you like to sit in your den, in your footie pajamas, drinking chamomile tea, giggling frantically, while watching cute kitten compilations on youtube.  It’s cool though.  We all do it.  Just own it, my man.

So now that we’re being honest with each other, I gotta let you in on a little secret.  Well… recently I got into the cat compilation game.  Word on the street is that there’s a lot of money and prestige to be had in the cat comp. circuit.  I’m just trying to get that dough and ass, like all the other hustlers out there, and kittens are what’s hot out on these streets right now.

I think my first kitty comp. is a pretty good effort.  I put my heart and soul into it, and can’t help but feel that I injected it with my own person taste of the streets.  So give it a watch and let me know what you think.  Hopefully it reaches somebody with a little clout in the cat video industry, and I’m able to move someplace fancy, and buy my moms something nice, like a Bugatti.  I appreciate you fam.



Meat Explosion (Official Video)

How it going?  Cool, cool.  Great to hear.  While you’re here though, you should check out this video I recently wrote, directed, edited, starred in, and did catering for.  It’s called “Meat Explosion”, and it’s about the frailty of Earthly existence and the extraordinary palatability of the human condition.

The song is one of a few dozen hot jamz I wrote back in the day that are just sitting around on my computer hard drives collecting digital dust.  Figured I should maybe get off my ass and make a tasty music video for it so that 9 or 10 people can stumble upon it on Youtube™ and give it a thumbs down.

I’d like to make videos for some of the other tracks in the future, but unfortunately most video editing software is garbage.  The one I used for this video crashed like 17 times over the course of two days of editing, and the other software I have randomly decided to be incompatible with my OS one day.  I hate working on something and having my artistic [citation needed] progress halted by technical issues.  Regardless, here is the latest video:


BuzzFeed Response Video (Dildo Remix)

Hey there sir and/or madam.  Long before I started this website, I used to dick around making youtube videos.  Until now, I haven’t really felt the need to cross-promote the two separate entities, but the more I think about it, why would I not push both equally?  I put a lot of time into creating sophomoric content on both, and it would be nice to achieve some sort of reach in both.  So I reckon I’ll probably start posting the videos I create to this site as well.  I won’t post everything, but those that fit the “vibe” of this site will be more likely to go up.

This one is a parody response to a much maligned video that BuzzFeed posted, called 36 Questions Women Have For Men.  The video is pretty much a list of petty grievances, statistical verbatims and anecdotal gripes aimed at men.  There is no analogous video aimed at women, but BuzzFeed’s largest demographic is eternally single cat ladies, so that makes sense.  Regardless, I decided to make a response after seeing someone else (a female) post a response video, and getting a hearty chuckle.  So essentially, I’m an uncreative follower.  My video has a dildo in it though, so there’s that at least.