Replacing Babies With Burritos

Do you ever find yourself looking through photos of people holding babies and think to yourself: “Man, these pictures would be so much better if these people were holding gigantic burritos instead of pointless babies.”?  Me too!  Unlike you however, I decided to do something about it and remedy the situation.  The following pictures are approximately 167% better, now that they contain righteous burritos:

Bush BurritoHaha!  Look at this guy…  He looks really excited to chomp into that bitchin’ breakfast burrito.  If he were holding a baby instead, he’d probably be all bored or sad or something.  He probably just got off work xeroxing TPS reports for the man, and now he just wants to kick back and munch on some sweet sausagey treats.

Prince William Burrito

Here’s another dude that looks really jazzed to be grippin’ on a monster burrito.  That thing must be at least 7 pounds, 8 ounces.  He even got all dressed up before he sat down to get his grub on.  Guess he’s looking to get down to business.  He’s even got a nurse on hand in case he needs the Heimlich maneuver after gorging his munch hole on this beastly treat.  Chew slowly!

Royal Family Burrito
Here’s that businessman chap again.  This time it appears that he’s with his lady friend.  I guess they’re just getting back from the Taco Emporium, where he bought her the 47 pound Burrito Explosion.  Whoa there, Mr Moneybags!  Think you’re better because you don’t have to order off the dollar menu?  I wish I could order the 47 pound Burrito Explosion. 🙁  🙁  🙁

Things I Would Post On Twitter If I Used Twitter #4

Hello there 2 people in Uganda who are only here because my site came up when you searched “garbage” and you somehow made it through your country’s censorship firewalls.  Since you’re here though, I guess I’ll do the logical thing and post a bunch of semi-witty thoughts in 140 character format, à la history changing literary website “The Twitter”.


1) If Christopher Nolan and David Fincher collaborated on a film, the cinematography would be so dark that only owls would be able to watch it.

2) I just had a text-box correct my misspelling of “honky”. Thanks for the save, technology!

3) I dress up as abstract ideas for Halloween.  Last year I went as inebriation.  This year I’m either going as failure or disappointment.

4) I saw a selection on Netflix called “Busty Teenage Milfs”.  I’d never heard of it before, but it must be good.  It’s on it’s 23rd season.

5) I’m so terrible at shooting up drugs, that I actually managed to contract Hepatitis F.

6) I don’t get all the hubbub over the Redskin’s name.  Nobody’s complaining about the Louisville Chinamen or the Memphis Guidos.

7) Any time I hear music with ukulele in it, I can’t help but feel I’m listening to a car commercial.

8) STDs are like Pokemon.  They come out of balls and you have to catch them all?

9) I farted the other day, so I did what anyone else would do, and created a facebook page about it for all my friends to “like”.

10) I wanna make a site for people to upload their shitty, out of focus pictures to, then use filters to them look “old-school”.  Oh, wait…

#It’sStillAround?  #YOLO

Grading HipHop Lyrics – Rick Ross

Ricky Ross
Mrs. Trifleton
Grade 4


[Verse 1:]
Fuck all these broke niggas cause all I do is ball
have sexual congress with                          basketball?
Ain’t no more off days, my crib look like a mall
There aren’t any more         what do babies have to do with this?
Fired the stylist, went and bought a big and tall
Was she Korean?                       A big and tall what, exactly?
Niggas still scheming, but we sliding on ’em all!
elaborate on these “niggas”        is this about a water park?
I remember picking watermelons
I think you’re remembering incorrectly
Now the Porsche cost me a quarter million!
                                 $27,324 isn’t a quarter million
If I die tonight I know I’m coming back nigga
                      are you implying that you’re Jesus?
Reincarnated: big black fat nigga!
         Jesus wasn’t fat or black

I bow my head, I pray to God
            are you about to eat again?
Survival of the fittest: help me hold my chopper lord!
                                        you own a helicopter?
If I die today, on the highway to heaven
                  I don’t believe you were on that show
Can I let my top down in my 911?
      please keep your top on, Rick
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
Financial fanatic, 40 bricks in my attic
        did you buy these from Home Depot?
400K in my baggage, 80 round automatic
It’s actually called a 401k
You can’t stop a bullet, this one for the money
                                      you seem to be very materialistic
Secret indictments, Porsche costs me 200
                                   I thought it cost a quarter million?

[Verse 2:]

Fuck your investigation, started my elevation
                 you should probably take the stairs once in a while
Cherry red 911 straight to my destination
     try not to forget this
Mayweather got a fight, make me some reservations
         is this a fight with weight problems?
Knew I flew private nigga, strapped with no hesitations
      is this “private nigga” an investigator?
Gucci Pucci money long, he got 20 cars
    this isn’t even a real thing
Graduated from them blocks, now it’s stocks and bonds
  do you have a diploma from this “blocks”
Hoes wanna know, hoes wanna show
    what do these “hoes” wanna know exactly?
They know a nigga’s name, they know a nigga’s strong
                                                   fat and strong aren’t synonyms
Fuck with me!
   no thank you

I bow my head, I pray to God
         exercise works better than prayer
Survival of the fittest: help me hold my chopper lord!
If I die today, on the highway to heaven
  eating healthy leads to a longer life
Can I let my top down in my 911?
  don’t take your top off anywhere
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget

[Verse 3:]
When I climb on top, I say I’m into you
  you probably shouldn’t climb on top of anything
A lot of chickens in the coupe; cock-a-doodle-doo
   this sounds healthier than donuts
I fucked the secretary, fuck the interview
     right after you filed your TPS reports?
If I was in the NBA, I’d hoop in Gucci tennis shoes
                         pretty sure that’s against NBA guidelines
Chopper spray like antihistamines
   I have no idea what any of this means
Triple beam, Versace swag on creatine
           one of those is clothing, the other is a suppliment
When I left the lot, I spent a half a milli
                     which half of Milli Vanilli?  Rob or Fab?
When I pulled up to your spot, I had a half a ceiling
                              you shouldn’t be out during a hurricane
Got your bitch with me, trying to suck up
         lady friend                     milk shakes?
I don’t trust my chauffeur, so shut the fuck up
   maybe the two of you should talk this out
Uh, the new chopper hold a hundred rounds
    you are really fixated on helicopters
When I park on the curb, the grill look like Bobby Brown
     this could get you a ticket