Philadelphia: The City Of Brotherly Facepalms

Oh, for fuck sake, Philadelphia…

PhiladelphiaThis is like letting children decide what the family will eat for dinner. You end up eating fruit roll-ups and ice cream.

Where do I even start?

First off, the flag already represented people of all colors. That’s why the flag is a god-damn rainbow. You know, because it represents all the colors. Otherwise the flag would have been, you know, black and brown already. The flag contains no actual skin tones for a reason.

Secondly, there is no black or brown in a rainbow. Rainbows are actual things that exist.

Rainbow

Do you see any black or brown stripes in that rainbow up there? No you don’t. That’s because God, Allah, and/or science didn’t feel the need to fuck everything up by cramming insecure human identity politics into everything in nature. It’s refracted/reflected light broken down into a color spectrum, not an attention-seeking, virtue-signalling, circle-jerk opportunity.

This is what happens when you view the world through the lens of 24-7 identity politics. You find racism and inequality absolutely everywhere. Even in the very things that are already all-inclusive by design.

We’re currently at the crossroads where real-life is becoming so idiotic that we’re blurring the lines between satire and reality. Life is turning into an Onion article right before our eyes.

The “ok” sign is now a racist symbol because internet trolls are smarter than Huffington Post readers. Milk is somehow racist now because the average IQ of BuzzFeed’s demographic is 76 (I haven’t researched this, but it’s probably true). Society’s dumb and irrational have been given a voice and platform, and this kind of nonsense is the direct result. People like this used to get thrown into volcanoes to appease an angry god. Now they write articles for Mic and Salon.

Now they turn satire into real-life.

Everybody in that first photo is a moron, and deserves to have rotten heads of lettuce thrown at them in the town square. Maybe then they’re learn to not do things that are dumb and nonsensical.

How Did Trump Win The Presidency?

As you may have heard by now, Donald Trump is officially the 45th president of the United States.  He wasn’t my first choice, being that I’ve always voted third party, but I can honestly say that his win doesn’t surprise me in the least.

He was running against a corrupt, establishment, career politician, whose party had become so used to getting away with murder that they weren’t even trying to cover their tracks any more.

Between the countless WikiLeaks email revelations, the damning undercover videos released by the likes of James O’Keefe, and the sloppy reporting and blatant partisanship demonstrated by many “reputable” news organizations (CNN anyone?), anybody who was actually paying attention should have realized that the cards were grossly stacked in favor of Clinton from the outset.  Despite all this corruption being brought to light, the Democrats still felt entitled to a win due to their own rampant hubris.  When you go through life with as much self-righteous entitlement as many of them do, the possibly of failure never seems like an option. Perhaps this is why Hillary Clinton wasn’t ready to deliver a concession speech upon losing the presidency to Trump.  There was no way in her mind that she could possibly have lost with such an overwhelming advantage.

If Donald Trump had run against Bernie Sanders, perhaps he would have lost.  A large portion of the Democratic voter base wanted Bernie Sanders to be the presidential candidate.  He had an enormous groundswell of support that was inescapable on social media throughout the year.  Unfortunately what the voting public wanted and what the Democratic establishment wanted were two very different beasts.

The Democratic establishment wanted a career politician who already had his or her tendrils in every sector of the American political/financial sector, and Hillary was that candidate.  Bernie was a mere civil rights protestor who worked his way into politics to further his civil rights agenda.  The Clintons however, were both on track to be politicans since they were in their teens.  They have been a political power couple for 40 years, planning their every move around climbing the political ladder.  The Clintons both represent the very corruption that Bernie ran on a platform of purging from U.S. politics.  It’s quite ironic that the very corruption he rallied against, took him out of the running for president, and yet he refused to disavow them.

How exactly did Trump win though? For one, there was a huge discrepancy between the reality of whose corner Americans were in, and whose corner the media wanted you to believe Americans were in.  The media set Trump up as the bumbling buffoon who had no chance of winning.  These channels and sites ran the narrative over and over that Hillary was sure to win by a landslide victory, all the while, doubling down on reporting Trumps transgressions, while ignoring Clinton’s, and actively painting her as some sort of victim.  Even their scientifically-sound, factually-accurate polls continually placed Hillary as the shoe-in, despite all of those polls ending up incorrect.

The thing is, these polls were propaganda.  The weren’t there to serve as an informative litmus test for how the country as a whole was swinging politically.  They were meant to serve as an ego boost for the Democratic party, i.e. “We’re winning the battle you guys. We’re the best!”.  Unfortunately, cooking the polls by largely asking partisan Democratic voters who they are voting for, then passing it off as a sample of the entire populace doesn’t do you any favors.  The people who viewed Hillary as the guaranteed winner might have been less apt to go out and vote, while those who saw Trump as the underdog, might have doubled down in their efforts to get him elected.

Another factor that played in to Trumps favor was the fact that a large portion of modern leftists are overly emotional babies who don’t understand how government works.  This was fairly evident before the election even took place, but is as clear as ever, post-election.

In the week since the election, we’re seen numerous riots throughout the country in Hillary-voting cities, rife with violence and destruction.  Mind you, these aren’t civil-rights protests, but a bunch of self-righteous millennials throwing temper tantrums because the candidate they voted for didn’t win.  Though to be fair, about half of them, as it turns out, didn’t even vote (color me surprised).  Remember all those people who destroyed property and wasted everyone’s time because Obama won, and they voted for a different candidate?  Yea… me neither.

Not all of these brilliant protests involve violence and destruction being carried out under the amazingly ironic banner of “Love Trumps Hate” however. There is currently a change.com petition attempting to “correct” the election that 4+ million individuals felt the need to sign, because it’s unfair their chosen candidate didn’t win.  It states that Hillary won the popular vote, which they feel should be more important than the electoral college, which she lost.  Now, it’s perfectly fine to feel that way, but the electoral college trumps *rimshot* the popular vote in U.S. elections.  It did in 2000, when it George Bush beat out Al Gore, just as it did all the way back in in 1876, when Rutherford B Hayes defeated Samuel J Tilden (who?).  And now some entitled babies want to change it to their own benefit.

Why else could Trump possibly have won?  Let’s see… Perhaps it’s because of the absolute lack of ability to make a cogent argument that the Democrats have displayed time and time again.  If, whenever someone takes a stance against something like illegal immigration, your response is to not provide a viable counterpoint, but instead to hurl accusations of “racist”, you lose that argument in the eyes of a rational centrist.  If the topic of abortion comes up, the other side gives a reason why they are against it, and your response is merely to call them “sexist”, you lose that argument.  If someone expresses concern about the rise of radical Islam, or the rampant human rights violations in Islamic-state countries, and all you bring to the table is calling them “Islamophobic”, you lose the intellectual debate.  Ad hominem attacks do not equate to valid arguments.  To anybody undecided in these debates, the side who proposed extreme things like bans and walls potentially won out over the side who proposed absolutely nothing but personal attacks.

It appears a lot of the left is completely unaware of this critical flaw in their ability to debate and argue, unfortunately. One need look no further than the popular leftist folk all over the t.v. box and social media to verify this.

Trevor Noah, the current figurehead of Comedy Central’s Democrat promotion arm that masquerades as a non-partisan comedy program “The Daily Show”, non-ironically believes that Hillary Clinton lost the election because of racism, sexism, and misogyny, and that she “would have been president if she were a man”.  Never mind the fact that she has enough corruption under her belt to fill multiple books, including more death and destruction than a Michael Bay movie, while her opponent was merely a brash jackass.  Obviously, nobody ever votes on conscience, or votes for the lesser of two evils.  Everybody votes primarily on gender and race politics, always, in every election, ever.  How are you even on a political-based show, you monumental goof.

Then there are the celebrities with children’s levels of political knowledge, who never let that hinder the constant stream of regurgitated, misinformed opinions they spew out into self-constructed echo-chambers of social media group think.  Think Sarah Silverman or Patton Oswalt.  Both are comedians whom I actually find funny, but whom aren’t capable of exercising any level of nuance in their political opinions.  Both also have millions of followers on their twitter accounts, largely because of their political beliefs and constant virtue signalling, and less because of their actual comedy.

patton01

It’s amazing that for a lot of liberal comedians, writing actual material has been replaced by this virtue-signalling on social media.  Why craft a clever joke when you can just type out “Trump won because sexism and racism you guys!” and get loads of empty likes from people who would fail a basic competency test on U.S. government.  I’ll tell you why.  Because comedians generally have low self-esteem and a need for acceptance, which overrides their need to exhibit integrity and reasoning to obtain that acceptance in an intellectually honest fashion.  Hence this constant pandering to emotions in exchange for validation on social media platforms.

silvermantweet

The factor a lot of people seem to be overlooking in Trump’s win, is that for most rational people, the left has become the greater of the two evils in recent years.  The party that used to preach tolerance, has become the epitome of intolerance, hurling baseless accusations, and creating false oppression narratives to set itself up as the eternal victim.  After all, the “victim” is the one who is always on the “right side of history”.  Being the victim comes with great power in today’s fabricated oppression culture.

Anyone who disagrees with the modern leftist is immediately written off as wrong.  Any minority who proclaims to be conservative, or holds any kind of conservative value is immediately accused of “selling out”, or being an uncle Tom or “coon”.  Evidently, tolerance to these types of leftists doesn’t include the tolerance of differing views and opinions.  You must think the exact same thing I have been conditioned to think, or else there is something wrong with you, and shaming and name-calling are justified.

A lot of the young college-uneducated millennials love slinging around accusations of conservatives being fascists, and everybody and their mother being Hitler, despite having a very obvious lack of knowledge of history, or politics.  Donald Trump has nothing in common with Hitler, and anyone who is even remotely educated realizes this.  Fascists tend to believe in silencing dissenting opinions, and using violence to suppress those with differing views.  Remind me again who constantly tries to shut down rallies, and speaking engagements of people they disagree with, and continually engage in riots to “solve” their problems. Hint: 99% of them are in the #NeverTrump crowd.

This is what happens when a society fails to raise it’s children correctly though.  When kids are brought up without any adversity and are used to always getting their way, they don’t know how to react when things don’t turn out in their favor.  They throw temper tantrums and lash out.  This is what happens when everyone is given a participation award as a kid for simply showing up.  They can’t deal with the idea of losing at something.  When you lose at something in life, you either try again, or accept the loss.  You don’t break things.

This whole Clinton/Trump ordeal mirrors the Brexit vote over in Europe to an almost uncanny degree.  A vote was taken to decide if the U.K. would leave the European Union.  The vote passed by a 3.8% margin in favor of leaving the E.U.  People on the left immediately started calling everyone a racist or xenophobe because the vote didn’t turn out in their favor.  They then tried to get a petition going to redo the vote, only to have it overturned by the government.

One more possible reason that Donald Trump won the election, is that a good deal of the population had become fed up with the identity politicking of the left.  Everything has become about identity politics in the last few years.  Meritocracy has been completely thrown out the window, in favor of voting for people based on trivialities pertaining to pigment and chromosomes.  The common idiom of not judging a book by it’s cover has all but been neglected in favor of judging books solely by their covers.

There are warehouses full of people out there who voted for Hillary based solely on the fact that she is a woman.  Check out the comments section on mensa-level websites like BuzzFeed, Salon, or HuffPo to see the proof of this.  There exists zero nuance or fact in any of the comments posted under pro-Hillary, or anti-Trump articles on these sites.  It’s nothing but 24/7 identity politics and regurgitated ad nauseam arguments.

Progressive rule #36: If you don’t have a valid argument, throw out accusations of sexism

The fact of the matter is that Hillary Clinton had two types of people in her corner: those who were partisan voters, and would have voted for whomever ran as a Democrat, and those who voted for her merely because she was a female.  Nobody who was even remotely versed in politics went out and voted for Hillary because they viewed her as a good candidate.  She was a terrible candidate.  They were both terrible candidates.

Trump had three types of voters in his corner however.  Partisan voters who would have voted for the Republican candidate regardless, people who voted for him merely because he wasn’t Hillary Clinton, and people who voted for him because he was the anti-establishment choice.  He wasn’t a traditional Democrat or Republican.  He was essentially a third party candidate who managed to hoodwink his way into being the Republican nomination.  He has a lot in common with Bernie Sanders in this regard.  Neither of their parties wanted them to be the nomination.  Evidently 15% of potential Bernie voters decided to vote for Trump over Clinton, which is quite telling.

I’m going to end this here, because I could ramble on forever on this topic, but I’d rather take a few of these points and expound upon them in in future posts.  Hopefully I’ll up the creative output on this site in the coming year, and maybe even try to veer back into the comedic/creative writing field a little more.  Now that this 24/7 debacle of an election cycle has come to an end, my blood pressure will slowly lower and I can focus on things other than politics and social issues for a while.  I have about a dozen half-written posts on political/social topics, and those will see the light of day, but I’ll try to work in some other content as well.  I’m out.

 

It’s Time To Retire, Bill Nye.

Somehow I missed a bit of unbridled brilliance that made a minor splash in the headlines about half a year ago.  It turns out Bill Nye, the television scientist from my youth, has started believing buffoonery on the level of the buffoonery he normally rails against.

He legitimately believes that terrorism in areas like Syria, is the result of climate change.  Yes, you read that correctly, and I typed it correctly.  Bill Nye the “Science” guy believes in nonsense on par with flat-Earth theory and chemtrails.

In a Huffington Post Live interview, available to view on youtube, Mr Nye states: “It’s very reasonable that the recent trouble in Paris [Bataclan Massacre] is a result of climate change.”  No, Bill, that’s not reasonable on any rational level, but I’ll let you continue.

He goes on to state that due to a water shortage in Syria, farmers have been hit hard, and the “disenfranchised youth” who can no longer farm for a living then decide to join terrorist organizations.  The next thing you know, “they end up part way around the world in Paris, shooting people.”

I guess that’s a rational chain of events, Bill.  Every time there is a drought out in the Iowa farmlands, we notice a rash of terrorism in the U.S.  I mean, what other choice do these farmers have but to start yelling “The Lord is Great!” while shooting up non-Christians in some other country.  Keep up the great science-based science work, Bill.

It’s as if the guy has a complete lack of understanding of the human condition.  People do malicious, reprehensible things, not because of a skewed moral compass, but because they are going through a bit of a rough time.  Just got dumped by my girlfriend; guess I’ll go set a bus full of school children on fire.  Got passed over for that partnership at the law firm; time to go behead a bunch of Mormons.  Completely logical chains of cause and effect there.

If terrorism exists in higher concentrations in certain areas, it’s couldn’t possibly be because of any cultural or ideological reasons.  That’s too far fetched.  Terrorism being linked to slight changes in livelihood is the only logical explanation.  By this reasoning, a concentrated pocket of KKK activity in particular area must mean that there were layoffs at the local Chipotle.  You can make a baseless correlation between any two things if you desperately want to believe there is a connection.

The complete lack of scientific method being employed here is staggering.  That shouldn’t come as much of a surprise however, being that Billy Nye isn’t even a scientist.  He’s a scientist in the same way that Larry the Cable Guy is a cable guy.  In name only.

Bill Nye holds a B.S. in mechanical engineering.  “But engineering sounds fancy though…  That must be science, right?” you might be asking.  Not according to an endless list of articles from universities and organizations that show up on google, when one enters “is engineering a science”, then hits the Enter button.  Bill Nye the Engineering Guy doesn’t have quite the same ring to it though.

If this man had an opinion on how to produce a more efficient engine, or to better produce sustainable energy, I would be more than happy to listen to him.  If he has an opinion on human behavior however, I’ll rightfully accept it with a grain of salt.  Mr. Nye and myself are on the same playing field on that topic.  We are two non-experts merely hypothesizing about what the motivations of violence in a particular situation are.  I however, am not trying to tie this violence to something unrelated, in an attempt to validate having the word “science” in my title.

Bill Nye the Engineering Guy has jumped to snap judgements on other topics before, only to later reversed his stance.  He was outright against GMOs, until he actually did some research on the subject, only to change his stance entirely.  He came to understand that GMOs are largely beneficial, and not worthy of all the fear that the anti-science types attribute to them.  I can respect that he was willing to admit he was wrong, and hopefully he realizes that climate change has nothing to do with murderous rampages.

This Is What Propaganda Looks Like

Recently, nydailynews.com ran an article by one Gersh Kuntzman (actual name), which equates to nothing more than anti-gun propaganda.  The piece, called “What is it like to fire an AR-15? It’s horrifying, menacing and very very loud”, was conveniently posted 3 days after the Orlando nightclub shooting.

Now, the point of my post isn’t to make a pro or anti gun argument, but merely to call out blatant propaganda for what it is.  The article by Kuntzman clearly comes across as a propaganda piece.

Our buddy Gersh went to a shooting range in Pennsylvania in order to shoot the media’s big, bad, scary scapegoat, the AR-15.  Now, he acknowledges in the article, that the Orlando shooter didn’t even use an AR-15, but most in the anti-gun camp wouldn’t know the difference between an AR-15 and a toaster.  They recognize the name AR-15, because it’s become the poster child of sorts for the fear-driven, anti-gun side of the weapons debate.

It seems very likely that this particular shooting range was selected due to the owners rather liberal views on gun ownership.  The article states that many gun shops turned down the request to have a journalist and cameraman show up to discuss the much demonized AR-15 rifle.  Not guns in general, mind you, but the AR-15 specifically.  Any shooting range in their right mind would have turned down this request, under the assumption that the article that resulted would be nothing more than an anti-gun propaganda piece.  Anti-gun propaganda isn’t exactly great business for shooting ranges.

The article then proceeds to spout off numerous bits of erroneous information, and conflicting statements.

Mr Kuntzman states that he’s fired pistols before, but “never something like an AR-15”.  This implies to the reader that the AR-15 is a powerful beast of a weapon, far removed from your average pistol.  It isn’t however.  The rounds that a run-of-the-mill AR-15 fires are actually not very powerful rounds.  To give you an example of the power we’re talking about, there are clips on youtube of young children firing this weapon without problem.  It’s actually illegal in some states to hunt deer with the .223 Remington round that an AR-15 fires, because the round isn’t thought to be powerful enough to humanely hunt something the size of a deer.  The point of hunting is to kill the animal, not give it a wound it can show off to its friends for the next week.  This ammo is generally considered more of a round for hunting animals up to coyote size.

It seems as though either Mr. Kuntzman a) has never fired a gun of any type before, or b) is grossly over-exaggerating the power of the AR-15 for sensational effect.  I can’t for the life of me figure out why this man would need to exaggerate the power of the AR-15 for this unbiased article.  c) That was probably sarcasm.

He claims the recoil of the gun bruised his shoulder.  This gun and round combination is actually known for having a relatively tame recoil.  Its low recoil is one of its main selling features.  Once again, young children can be seen shooting this gun on youtube.

He states how the shell casings flying out of the gun disoriented him, and that the “smell of sulfer and destruction” made him sick.  With all due respect, these revelations merely make it seem as though Gersh is probably a little too soft to be firing weapons in the first place.  Some people get sea-sick on boats, and those people tend to stay away from boats as a result.  Other people aren’t cut out for riding on roller coasters and should probably stick to the teacup ride.  If you practically get a case of the vapours and faint, like a colonial woman, firing guns maybe isn’t the thing for you.

Perhaps most telling of all, he claims that the explosions, “loud like a bomb” gave him PTSD.  PTSD being that anxiety disorder that people who have been in actual traumatic situations get.  Situations like warfare, plane crashes, or rape.  Yet somehow this fragile, porcelain doll of a man had PTSD after merely firing a gun.  Once again, a gun you can watch small children firing on the internet.  Either he doesn’t understand what PTSD is, or is once again exaggerating.

This begs the question.  Is our buddy Gersh a complete joke of a man-child, or are all of these claims fabricated merely for sensationalism.  First off, the site this article appears on has a massive anti-gun bias.  Three of the 5 articles in the “most popular” section as of this writing, are about “assault weapons” and the NRA.  Secondly, the video that accompanies the article doesn’t portray a man who was shaken from firing a gun.  He actually comes across as reasonable and even keeled.  Viewing the video alone doesn’t give off the impression of a man who felt uncomfortable shooting a gun.

I can’t help but feel that Mr. Kuntzman had an agenda from the start to try to demonize a particular gun.  It’s obvious that the man knows little to nothing about guns, and is merely writing a feelings-based sensation piece.  He actually refers to this gun as a “weapon of mass destruction” and proclaims that it only belongs in the hands of those in the military.

The problem is, the military would never use a gun like the AR-15.  As previously stated, the gun is relatively weak by gun standards, but is also only semi-automatic.  The military wouldn’t bother carrying a gun this size unless it was fully automatic, or able to be switched between semi and fully automatic.  A stock AR-15 is probably a little too weak for military application as well.  Remember that it typically isn’t even used for deer hunting.

Regardless, Mr. Kuntzman received a substantial amount of blowback from the article, from people who were either able to see through the bullshit, or outright accused him of being a pussy.  I don’t think it makes one weak for not being into firing guns, but it does make one weak for engaging in misleading propaganda.

I’m not even a “gun guy”, but it annoys me to no end when I see uneducated and misleading journalism around every corner these days.  Maybe I’m off base to expect a little truth and integrity from people who have made their living as reporters.  Reporters are supposed to educate, and not mislead.  Everything I know about guns comes from doing research on the topic, the same way I come to learn about any topic.  There’s no reason somebody with the title of “reporter” or “journalist” shouldn’t be putting in the effort to research topics just as well.

Every anti-gun article I read is from someone who obviously couldn’t be bothered to do any research on the subject of guns.  Otherwise the same inaccurate data wouldn’t be getting passed off time and time again.  Things like the “AR” in AR-15 standing for assault rifle.  The AR actually stands for ArmaLite Rifle, the company that makes the AR series of guns, which have been around since the 50’s.  The term assault rifle refers to a weapon that has the ability to fire fully automatic, or at very least, burst fire.  No civilian weapons legally able to be sold actually meet this criteria.

Any gun you can legally purchase as a civilian will be semi-automatic, meaning you have to pull the trigger once for every time a bullet is fired.  Just about every handgun, including revolvers, are semi-automatic guns.  The AR-15 is semi-automatic too.  It just looks scarier to some folks because it’s modeled after military-style weapons.  If a gun isn’t fully or semi-automatic, that means its single-fire, and you need to manually load a round after each firing, just like they used to do back in your great great great granddaddy’s day.

One more thing.  Before I go, the term magazine and clip refer to two different things, and aren’t interchangeable, and silencers don’t actually exist; they are called suppressors.  Peace.

Addendum:

Apparently another reporter tried to write a sensationalized hit piece against guns the day after Mr Kuntzman’s failed attempt, and failed even more spectacularly.  Another unscrupulous reporter (are there any other kinds of reporters these days?) by the name of Neil Steinberg went out to gun shop in Chicago to purchase a gun.  What type of gun did he try to buy?  I’m sure you can make an educated guess.  That’s right!  An AR-15.  The official gun of goofy, middle-aged, cringy, progressive men writing propaganda pieces.

Turns out he was denied making the purchase after a background check showed that he had a history of both alcoholism and domestic abuse.  The very background checks that guys like this push mistruths of either not existing, or being ineffective, were quite effective in blocking him from purchasing a gun.

“Isn’t it ironic” -Alanis Morrisette (1995)

All these hack reporters set out to sway public opinion further against guns, only to make it even more evident that their stances on the subject don’t have very stable foundations.  The background check worked exactly as it should have in keeping this guy from obtaining a weapon.  In the eyes of the gun store, it would have been a liability to have an individual with a history of violence and substance abuse obtaining an gun.

But of course he refuses to accept that fact, and he ends the article by conspiratorially stating that he was actually denied the gun because he was a reporter.  Because evidently gun stores have an agenda of suppressing (+5 Gun Pun Points) the truth about guns by preventing hack journalists from purchasing them in order to write hit pieces.  The complete and utter lack of self awareness here is astounding.

Speaking Of Indoctrination…

Don’t you just hate it when something happens that further reinforces a belief of yours?  Remember that article I just wrote, about why college, as it currently stands, is probably not the best investment for America?  Well it turns out an indoctrination agent a professor at DePaul University in Chicago, recently rage quit her job because her “safe space” was endangered.  She also made sure to rely on identity politics, pulling out the sex and race cards on her way out the door, never qualifying how either of these accusations had any relevance to the matter at hand.

Trigger warning: cringe-inducing ideology incoming…

ResignationLetter

Dr. Shu-Ju “Ada” Cheng posted this resignation letter on facebook, because she disagreed with a conservative speaker who showed up to her university.  That, or perhaps she merely disagreed with the fact that people with differing views were allowed to exist on the campus.  She also apparently disagreed with the way the university handled an altercation at the speaking event.  That altercation involved a bunch of members of a trendy hashtag activism group showing up and interrupting an otherwise peaceful talk, effectively silencing the proceedings.  The campus “handled” this altercation by having security sit by idly while this transpired, requiring the engagement to move elsewhere.  How exactly she disagreed with any of this is unclear, because she merely writes in flowery language and never actually explains herself.

To sum up her diatribe, she states that universities are not neutral platforms, i.e. they are liberal institutions and should only promote such “dominant ideologies”, while rejecting all others, and privileging “certain groups”.  Sounds like she’s a real staunch proponent of equality.  She also mentions a “political crisis”, which one can only assume is a reference to Donald Trump’s merely running for presidency, and has nothing to do with all the inadequacies in the current administration’s handling of pressing social issues.  She then goes on call freedom of speech and equal exchanges of ideas “delusional”.  Quite frankly, it’s dangerous that this woman was teaching anybody anything.  How are you a college professor, yet too intellectually dense to understand why free speech is necessary everywhere.  Are there not review boards to filter individuals like this out?  How many of this woman actually exist at colleges?

She goes on to cry “racism” without ever identifying who exactly is perpetrating this racism or giving any inkling that she understands what that word even means.  Whatever this racism entails, it was apparently responsible for a “long history of exiting faculty of color”.  It would have been nice for her to explain what any of this meant, but unfortunately in today’s society, it’s become vogue to throw out buzzwords like “sexist” and “racist” without actually articulating what one is actually referring to.  These words are essentially the regressive equivalent of a young child answering every question they are asked with: “Just because”.

As cringe inducing as this ridiculous story is, it seems to check out.  The woman in question is still listed on the DePaul website and has a facebook page which appears to have recently been scrubbed of all personal information.  She also primarily taught fluff courses under the Sociology banner, and evidently dabbles in performance art and stand-up comedy.  I can only imagine how side-splitting this comedy is, given that she’s anti-free speech and pro group-think.  She probably tells a doozy of a non-binary, non-offensive, non-triggering, non-GMO knock knock joke.

Hopefully she enjoys the rest of her career as a cashier a Bed Bath & Beyond, and is able to bring home enough of a paycheck to feed her 7 cats.

Progressive Oppression Bingo

I wrote an article about a year ago that I never got around to posting.  It was about how the type of person who finds racism everywhere tends to be one who has deep-seated racial issues, and is merely engaging in projection as a method of cover.  You can’t possibly be a racist if you constantly point out racism in everybody else around you at all times… right?  They go out of their way to uncover racism in completely innocuous movies, music, or statements where none exists, simply to cover for their own personal shortcomings on the topic.  I likened it to the individual who goes around calling everyone “fag” all time in an attempt to hide his own sexual insecurities by casting them onto others.

This is similar to certain individual’s current fascination with creating oppression out of thin air for the purpose of blaming their own failures onto society (i.e. I’m somehow at a disadvantage in life because people spread their legs on a bus).  It’s a weak-minded individual’s way of processing the world around them.  They look at a gallon of milk sitting on a table, and their mind instantly tries to find a way in which that milk represents some kind of injustice against themselves or some outgroup.  Perceiving an injustice against themselves serves to cover for their own shortcomings in life (deflection), while perceiving an injustice against others serves to relieve them of any personal guilt they might feel for that injustice (projection).

So what does all of this have to do with anything?  Not much, but I don’t want to delete those two paragraphs that I put all that effort into writing.  But since you’re still reading: I came up with a new twist on a classic game, primarily played by old people, that is sure to endear it to a whole new demographic.  It’s called Progressive Oppression Bingo, and it’s for those emotionally aged 10 and under.  How does it work, you ask?  Hold your gosh darn horses and I’ll tell you.

Progressive Oppression Bingo

Bingo

It’s just like regular Bingo, but instead of marking off numbers to win, you mark off people of various minority groups after you’ve effectively collected them as “friends”.  As you can probably gather, this game is aimed primarily at middle to upper-class white liberals, specifically those who identify as progressives.  The very demographic who engage in minority collecting as a means of assuaging their own privilege and racial guilt.  The demographic who likes to collect minorities for social standing like they’re playing the latest version of Pokémon. “Oh my gawd, like, I just befriended a Mexican at Starbucks today!  I have to work this into a facebook post somehow to impress all my progressive friends!  I totally can’t even right now…”

The thing is, it doesn’t make you less racist to befriend somebody of another race simply for the purposes of endearing yourself to other people whose validation you seek.  This is a form of tokenism.  It makes you less racist and “problematic” to not treat other human beings simply as means to an end.  By using terminology like “my black friend” or “my other-gendered trans-person otherkin friend”, you’re taking a person, and turning them into an object, like a pair of pants.  You don’t designate your other white friends as “white friends”, so why would you treat these other “friends” of yours any differently?  Is it perhaps because referring to your white friends as your “white friends” doesn’t garner you any of that progressive adulation that you so desperately seek?

Regardless, the modern progressive exists in an echo-chamber of endless validation-seeking behavior, and this game plays into that.  The lure of those back-pats and thumbs-ups for being a great open-minded person is a strong motivating factor to certain people.  In reality, no individual (in a diverse country) should ever make a big deal about having friends belonging to an outgroup.  You are surrounded by people of differing races, religions, and orientations at all times, so why should it be a big deal that you’re friends with somebody different than you?  You would have to go well out of your way to only surround yourself with people exactly like you.

This illustrates one of the hypocrisies of today’s progressive however.  They actively go out of their way to surround themselves with people who echo and validate their own belief systems.  If you’re a progressive, you can’t be friends with a Christian who might be pro-life, because you don’t want to be friends with somebody who has a differing view, right?  You also can’t be friends with anyone who is Republican, because they belong to a political cult that differs from your own political cult.

When you go out of your way to distance yourself from anyone and everyone who has a differing lifestyle or point of view, the only people left are inherently going to be carbon copies of you.  So it makes complete sense that the modern progressive would make a big deal about knowing somebody belonging to an outgroup.  When you’ve effectively constructed a self-imposed system of segregation within your own life, you’ve pushed everyone away who isn’t also white, atheist, and liberal.  So when a progressive actually meets somebody of a different color who mirrors all their worldviews and beliefs closely enough to warrant befriending that person, the event tends to stand out as quite the accomplishment.

Keep in mind, these progressives are the types to will engage in acts like demonizing a black person for identifying as a Republican, i.e. “I’ll treat you as an equal as long as you believe the same things I do”.  That doesn’t sound very progressive to you, does it?  Being progressive would imply that you’re open to all ideas and lifestyles, not just the ones you personally adhere to.  That’s why this game is primarily aimed at progressives though.  With all their rigid views on what should and shouldn’t define someone’s identity, this game will be anything but a cakewalk.

So if any progressives want to play Progressive Oppression Bingo™, just go out of your way to collect a transgender, Mormon, bi-sexual, and Amish person the next time you’re out getting a soy latte and non-GMO vegan gyro.  I’m sure there are plenty of minorities at establishments that carry those types of foods.  You’ll be shouting “BINGO!” in no time flat, and receive more existence-validating thumbs-ups on social media than you could possibly know what to do with.  Godspeed!

 

 

* When I use the word “progressive” in this article, I actually mean “regressive”, which applies to someone who fancies themselves as pro-equality, but actually bolsters inequality via holding people to different standards, based on race/religious beliefs/sexual orientation, and the blatant employment of double standards.

Buzzfeed Is The Bucky Larson Of News Sites

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now.  I can’t help but feel a little dirty in making fun of BuzzFeed.  It kind of feels like making fun of somebody with Down’s Syndrome, or someone who shits their pants on the regular.  It’s so easy to do that it feels wrong.  That being said, I’m going to follow through and make fun of it anyway, because that’s just what I do.

For anyone who actually has a life has been living under a rock, BuzzFeed is a pop-culture entertainment site that has continued to grow as the Earth’s collective IQ has dropped.  This is one of those sites that posts endless sensational click-bait articles and half-baked top ten lists.  To be fair, they also post other useful and intellectual fare like cat videos and online quizzes as well though.  I’m not trying to short-change anybody here.

Bucky Larson, on the other hand, is a character from one of the stupidest movies ever created by mankind, called Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.  It’s so bad that it has a 0% fresh (codeword for watchable) rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  It also current has an IMDB score of 3.3, which is lower than both The Room, and a movie called The Abortion.  People would rather watch an abortion than Bucky Larson, to put it into perspective.  I would rather watch Bucky Larson than actually visit BuzzFeed for any reason other than to feel better about my own intellectual capacity, or to do research for an article called BuzzFeed Is The Bucky Larson Of News Sites.  This paragraph probably wasn’t necessary, but I needed to justify the title of the article, and liked it too much to change it.  Moving on…

BuzzFeed is one of those websites that nonintellectuals repeatedly repost articles from on social media, when they want to make a “point”, but can’t muster the brain power to actually formulate a sentence or two on their own.  It’s essentially the digital equivalent of pointing at something and grunting.  When you can’t actually use your “words” to explain your side of a given discussion, simply copy-pasting a link and hitting the “post” button seems to be the go-to these days.  Heaven forbid you actually think about any one topic long enough to write a rational, cognizant idea on the subject.

I’m perfectly fine with BuzzFeed™ existing as a time-wasting, entertainment entity, but the part of me with an IQ greater than a bundt cake takes issue with it trying to brand itself in any way as a “news” site.  Negro, you are not a news site.  Taking a look at your homepage right now, I’m seeing articles such as: “15 Diarrhea Horror Stories That’ll Make You Feel Better About Yourself”, “What Flavor Of Starburst Are You?”, and “You Have To See This Weird Cake That Looks Like a Blob of Water”.  I didn’t make a single one of those up.  Not only that, but I actually had trouble narrowing it down to three idiotic article titles to post.  The site is so chock full of moronic, pointless content that it’s almost overwhelming to visit. 

It’s no more a news site than a print paper like the National Enquirer or The Sun.  They all exist simply to bring in revenue and achieve higher viewership, and not to actually educate and inform.  Just take a look at the navigation bar prominently displayed at the top of the BuzzFeed home page.  It looks like something you’d find on the Nickelodeon website or some other page directed at 9 year-olds:

BuzzFeedNavBarSeriously though.  How many other “news” sites do you go to that have a “LOL” or “fail” button for navigation?  None, because no credible news site would pander this much to the middle school-minded meme generation.  They should add a few more buttons like “fart” and “doh”.  Perhaps a navigation bar that looks like this:

BuzzFeedBarThat’s more like it!

Granted, the people getting their “news” from a site like BuzzFeedgenerally aren’t the most educated and rational people in the demographic.  It’s not like there aren’t hundreds of other actual news sites you can visit that don’t have articles like “9 Surprisingly Fun Things To Do With Your Boobs” on them anywhere.  This site has no less than 50 articles that revolve around astrology archived on it for gosh sakes.  Is this the site you’re going to rely on for reporting all the hard hitting news to you in a well researched manner?  If so, your mother probably ingested bleach while she was pregnant with you.

I’m sure I’ll write another post about BuzzFeed in the future, but BuzzFeed will have posted another 15 articles about poop, and 93 more numbered list fluff articles by then.  They gotta keep their journalistic standards high to pay those bills, after all.  So keep doing you, BuzzFeed.  People with overpriced English degrees who can’t land real jobs will always need a place to go to write articles with the word “fuck” in the title.  You’re doing the Lord’s work.  Godspeed.

Up Your Roommate Game, Bro.

Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of roommates and housemates.  Most of them were downright terrible, but a few were actually quite serviceable.  Coincidentally, the very first website I ever had, roughly 15 years ago, was a blog of sorts (before the term even existed), wherein I chronicled how terrible one of my college roommates was at being serviceable.  It was a pretty funny, lemme tell ya, but you’ll have to take my word for it, because I have no idea what the address was, or if that data even still exists on a server somewhere.  Save for a few college buds, I’ve never mentioned any of these roommates, but I’m gonna mention one now, so prepare your anal bits accordingly.

Back in the day, I lived with a fella in a townhouse, in a city, in a state, in a country that was more than likely America.  This fella was nice guy, but would do the most ridiculous shit.  Now, when you live with somebody, you expect a little bit of tomfoolery and shenanigans, but sometimes a fella just takes it too far.  This dude, who we’ll call Melk Templeton, or “Melk” for short, was a real pain my my keester.  He was constantly finding new ways to make me want to slap him in the gosh-darn mouth parts.  Generally, I’m fairly accepting of a housemate’s quirks, but when they have so dig-dab many of ’em, you just gotta write a passive-aggressive blog post on the world wide web, and air out the grievances.  So here is a somewhat partial list of all the stuff this dude would do, that I don’t miss at all.

Does my fan bother you?
I have always preferred to have a fan running in my room most of the time, both because I get hot easily, and also because I enjoy ambient noise.  A few weeks into living in a house with Melk, it started to get warmer outside, and I decided to start running my fan.  Now keep in mind, this was a small, plastic fan, about a foot in circumference, and slightly louder than a computer fan.  At some point, I went over to Melk’s room, which was on the other side of one of my walls, to ask him about something.  As I’m leaving he says “Hey man… do you hear that?”  “Uh, no. What exactly are we listening for?” I question.  “There’s some humming sound. Are you running something in your room?” he derpingly questioned.  I told him I had a small fan going, but other than that, no.  “Oh.  Man it’s driving me nuts.  Why do you have it on?” he blathers.  “Because it’s hot out.  And it keeps me from being hot.” I reply.  “Alright. Man it’s annoying. I can wear headphones though I guess.”  Yes you can, Melk.  You can, and you will.

You tryin’ to become my doppelganger?
I shared a bathroom with ole’ Melk, and as you can probably imagine, he was annoying in the bathroom as well.  I had somewhat long hair at the time, and as such, needed to use conditioner to keep my unruly hair from tangling up.  A little while after living together, I started noticing that someone had been getting into my conditioner other than me.  Perhaps it was a racoon or something.  Nope.  I could tell Captain Melk was using it, because the cap was always open.  I always left the cap closed, and racoons didn’t even get into our bathroom.  The best part of all was that my buddy boy here had hair that was like half an inch long.  You ain’t even need conditioner, bro!  So why were you trying to be like me?

That ain’t all though.  Soon after, he went out and bought my same shampoo so that he could complete the fan-boy transformation.  Now I gotta remember which shampoo is mine, you big goof!  You should grab a sharpie and draw a “CCM” on yours to stand for Copy Cat McGee. #smh (hashtag: shake my head)

You tryin’ to be Carlos Mencia Jr?
I had a mutual friend with Melk Melkington, who I’ll refer to as Bibot Supplekins.  Bibot was a funny gentleman who would do humorous things on nonstop rotation.  One of the things he would do, was to play guitar while making up ridiculous lyrics about whomever was in the near vicinity at the time.  A bit of observational musical comedy if you will.  It sounds kind of lame on paper, but he was good at it, and dropped them panties like a nuclear physicist, while making everybody jealous and ending racism and Ebola to boot.

Well, a certain somebody noticed that people found this act funny, and tried to get in on the action as well.  Guess who it was?  His name starts with an “M”.  No, not Tommy Two-Thumbs.  That doesn’t even start with an “M”.  Try again.  Yep!  It was ole’ Melk “Melky Way” Dinglebert.  He’d desperately try to come up with funny observational lyrics while playing guitar, and failed so hard that his future kids will probably feel the burning shame.  He found it funny, but it just made everyone else cringe and wish he’d get get hit by a car, even when he was indoors.  Maybe you should have tried coming up with your own humor, rather than trying to copy Bibot.  You’ll never be as funny at Bibot.  Sorry to break the news to you, Melk.

Do I look like a taxi to you?
Wanna know another annoying thing that Melk TurgidTits used to do?  Whenever he was having problems with his car, which was often, because his car was stupid, he’d try to get other people to drive him all over the place.  Now, I can understand helping a bro out if he’s in a time of need, but a bro better not take advantage of a bro’s hospitality.  Ole’ Melky Melk Melk used to have a bike and was apparently some sort of bike aficionado.  He would talk about how he’d bike this-a way, and bike that-a way, then turn around and ask you to drive him a few blocks away for something that wasn’t even important.  Dude.  Why don’t you just bike there?  Or maybe even walk, so you don’t end up turning into a chubby little Melk Melk.  Just don’t ask your friends to inconvenience themselves for something completely unnecessary, or something you could quickly and easily handle on your own.  Real talk!

Are you doing this shit on purpose?
Remember how I said ole’ Melky SmegmaNutz was annoying in matters of the bathroom?  That was just the tip o’ the iceberg, kiddies.  Check this nonsense out.  At one point during this living situation, my esteemed roommate was in between jobs.  The thing is, he would continue to get up early in the morning and tie up the bathroom, despite not actually having anywhere he needed to go.  I still got up at the same time as usual, and had to wait for him to dick-off in the bathroom every morning before I could handle my man-business and head off to work.

Dammit Melktron.  Can’t you just wait until after the working individuals have used the bathroom until you go in there and play with sailboats in the bathtub, or whatever it is you do?  You’re like one of those dudes from a comedy movie who still goes through the motions and pretends to go to work so your old lady doesn’t find out.  Except you don’t have an old lady, and I’m well aware that you’re just going to spend the day sitting around the house doing Sudoku puzzles, and eating Cheerios.  Would it kill you to just wait like ten extra minutes before you go into the bathroom and trim up your landing strip?  For gosh sakes!

First the fan, now this shit. Seriously bro?
The great fan-noise fiasco of the early 2000’s was all but a distant memory in our hearts, but a greater tragedy was looming on the horizon.  One night, a friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in years was in town, and decided to drop on by and visit me.  We kicked it and cold chilled inside for a while, but decided to go out on the deck since it was such a lovely night out.  So there we were, just straight up cold lampin’, when my totally even-keeled roommate comes out and complains that we were being too loud.  Mind you, we were sitting three feet away from each other, outdoors, talking in normal indoor voices, but somehow this offended his goofy ears through the house walls.  It was also 10PM at most, and he totally didn’t have anything to do the next day.

“Alright. We’ll keep it down” I said, and he slithered back off to his porn dungeon.  About 5 minutes later he came back out and complained yet again that we were being too loud.  I explained that we had literally been talking at the same level that he was currently talking to us right now, and to “Chill the gosh darn heck out… please, sir.”  I think he got mad a third time, and we eventually went inside to avoid any future onslaughts of bitching and moaning.

I tell you what though.  You need to man up, Melk n’ Cookies.  Stop being such a square and learn to kick it old school every once in a while.  Stop getting your pantaloons in a bunch over every little thing.  Help me, help you, to be the best you, that you can be.  Learn to tolerate the blaring noise of a small indoor table fan.  Learn to grow out some natty dreads if you’re looking to lather up your dome piece with conditioner.  Work out your own comedic material so that you can perform at the open mic night in our hearts.  Get a real car, like a PT Cruiser, or Toyota Tercel, so that you can take the ladies out to a fancy pizza dinner and run errands like a complete champion.  And lastly, don’t cockblock an O.G. relationship, simply because you like complete vacuum chamber quiet while you grease your meat whistle to some elbow porn. God bless.  #Kony2012