It’s All Downhill From Here.

Every creative mind eventually reaches that point where they accomplish their masterwork; that definitive statement that symbolizes the culmination of their life’s work. Well, my friends, family, spam bots, and random Nigerians who arrived here via bad search-engine optimization… here is my Citizen Kane:

 

Wow.  I don’t know about you, but that left me breathless.  I can’t even right now, you guys.  Just… wow.

Seriously though… can you believe how deep that was?  All the nuance.  All the layers.  It was like a visual feast of lasagna for the soul.

Seriously seriously though… I learned a lot while crafting this modern day epic.  I learned that tomatoes are actually a fruit.  I learned that all the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666. I learned that everybody I disagree with is more than likely “literally Hitler”.

I also learned a bit about cult of personality.

I never understood why so many seemingly intelligent people would gleefully back a modern politician, when none of them does more good than harm while in office.  Between the last two administrations, U.S. citizens have had their privacy and rights stripped at an alarming rate.  From the passing of the Patriot Act, to the limp, sort-of-a-fix Freedom Act that followed, to the continued propagation of a surveillance-state, the overreach of the NSA, FBI, and CIA, etc.  On top off all this, both parties have continually ignored improving the education and industry in the poorest areas, both black and white, whom they have no qualms gleefully preying upon for practically guaranteed votes.

So why would anybody slap their hands together like a trained seal over any of these regressive, ineffectual goofs?

While making this video, I amassed quite the collection of presidential verbal and physical gaffes.  In doing so, I started to notice something.  George W Bush was a goldmine of physical and verbal slip-ups, while Donald Trump has been a verbal train wreck, and Hillary Clinton held it down in the physical slip-up department.  I could have produced a full 5 minute video with any of these folk’s gaffes alone.  Barack Obama was a different case, however.

The guy rarely said anything stupid, and only tripped on one occasion that I could find.  Most of his gaffes had to do with him playing sports very poorly, or working out with the finesse of a little girl.  I didn’t even use much footage of him in my video, because quite frankly, it wasn’t very entertaining.

All of this footage acquisition served to bolster a belief I’ve had for quite some time now.  That belief being that people who don’t follow politics very closely tend to judge politicians purely on optics rather than actual policy.  This seems like a fairly obvious observation, but the people who are prone to this behavior tend to be in denial of the fact that they operate this way.  They think their opinions on politicians are dictated by some sort of knowledge they possess.  Grill them about some basics on politics however, and you realize they’re merely absorbing their opinion on the matter from some source, much like a plant suckling sweet sun milk out of that great teat in the sky.  Whatever that means.

Hence, people who engage in this cult of personality, elevating up politicians for no actual legitimate reason, will always focus on the gaffes.  Obama had great optics.  He spoke well, looked sharp, and never looked confused.  Even if he had shanked 14 Guatemalan children in the face, there are people who would have ignored that transgression, and still held him up as something extraordinary.  Meanwhile, Bush said something moronic, or tripped over something at least twice a week, and so it was easy for those same people to set him up as the villain.  To anyone actually paying attention to the policies however, neither guy was exceptional, or all that bad.  They were two sides to the same coin.  They could have been in a buddy cop movie together.  Maybe they still will be.

The point I’m trying to make here, is that 9/11 was an inside job, and every president had their hand on the button just a little bit.  We were all an inside job.  We were all 9/11.  Never forget us.  Never forget that you were an inside job.  Never forget that Tower 7 was because of you.  Yes it was.  Stop lying to yourself.  You did that.  I forgive you though.

Never Forget.

It seems like only yesterday.  Life seemed so new and full of innocence back then.  Then, in the blink of an eye, everything changed.  Life can be a cruel mistress sometimes.  But in the face of adversity, we have to be able to pick up the pieces and persevere.  Life is fragile, but we have to be strong and move on with our lives.

You never think these types of things could ever happen in a million years.  Then the world comes crashing down around you and you find it hard to see how you could possibly go on.  But you do, because you know that tomorrow will be a better day.

I  miss you more and more everyday Corey Haim.

Corey 9/11

Don’t Forget Any Of This.

Hey guys.  Forgive me for my long bout of inactivity, but I have a valid excuse.  You see, two months ago I was elbow-deep in the most profound and entertaining post to end all posts, when I was contacted by a mysterious gentleman, who told me to meet him down at the local Coffee Trough™.  He stated that he had some important information that he needed to relay to me, and me alone, seeing as how most of it would be completely over the head of the average human.  After agreeing, on the grounds that it didn’t seem suspicious in the least, I asked how he got my phone number.  He said not to worry about it, and that he “knew people”.  He also explained to me that there are these big yellow things called “phone books” that you can utilize to obtain that kind of critical classified information.  Those G-Men sure are a crafty bunch.

So anyhow, I hopped into my spiffy Toyota Tercel, and slowly sped on down to the aforementioned coffee establishment to meet up with this suit.  I walk in and spot the mystery man instantly due to the fact that he’s wearing sunglasses indoors, and only G-men and douche bags wear sunglasses indoors.  Douche bags usually don’t wear suits however.  They usually opt to wear classy things like polo shirts, Abercrombie & Fitch, and neon-colored dubstep t-shirts.  The lack of a spray-on tan and hair gel also gave away that this gentleman was probably a professional of some sort.

I sit down across from him and he proceeds to slide a manilla envelope across the table.  It may very well have been some other kind of envelope, but seeing as how I don’t have a deep well of knowledge on the various types of envelopes, I wouldn’t have known any differently.  I open the package in front of me only to find a single piece of paper inside.  On it was written a single line of text: 9/11 was an inside job.  “What the hell is this supposed to mean?” I ask.  “It means exactly what it means.”  he replies.  “You’ve obviously got more than enough time on your hands.  Do some research.  Look into the matter further.  You’ll find the truth”.  He then got up and left without another word.  Off the the library I went.

So check this out.  Remember when 9/11 happened on September 11th, 2001?  And also remember how we’re supposed to remember 9/11?  Well I’ve been doing a lot of research these past few months.  It turns out that there are these things called elephants out there.  The thing about these elephants though, is that allegedly, they never forget.  Things like birthdays, appointments, locker combinations, and even 9/11s.  They remember everything.  You don’t even need to say “9/11: Never Forget ©” to an elephant because they remember forever.  They don’t even need to see it on a t-shirt, button, mouse pad, key chain, coffee mug, magazine, car decal, Fox News, tote bag, lanyard, refrigerator magnet, poster, memorial coin, post card, liquor flask, CNN, calendar, iphone case, baseball cap, snow globe, truck mudflap, MSNBC, or shot glass, because they always remember it anyway.  Elephants remember 9/11s, 24-7.

So moving on, you might also be aware that one of the political cults in the United States, the Demonoclaps, are represented by an elephant.  Coincidence?  Probably not.  Why would you choose a bland-ass elephant as your political spirit animal when you could pick something like a wolverine or a death adder?  Elephants don’t do anything except take up a lot of space and remember things like 9/11s.  Those don’t even happen all that often, so even that’s not really that big of a deal.  So obviously the Demonoclaps must have had something to do with 9/11.  The proof is all there.  I thought it might involve the other cult, the Replumplicons as well, but their spirit animal is a donkey.  Donkeys don’t know anything about anything, let alone 9/11s.  So that rules them out.

I know this all might seem like a lot to take in all at once, but the facts are undeniable and irrefutable amongst a slew of other multisyllabic adjectives.  That G-man knew what he was doing, coming to me to help unearth the truth of the matter.  My researching skills are second to no other researching skills that have been discovered yet.  All I ask is that you remember this information, much in the same way that you remember the 9/11s.  Except remember this for more than one day out of the year.  You can buy coffee mugs and license plate frames if that helps you to remember, but remember to remember that Demonoclaps picked the elephant because elephants always remember to remember 9/11s and that’s why 9/11 happened on 9/11.  The chemtrails are the only proof you really need.  It’s all right there in front of you, if you would just decide to look with your heart, and stop looking with your eyes.

But anyways…  I finally stopped doing hard drugs last week and decided that I should get back to posting things on this site, so here you go.  Enjoy.

elephant

Grading HipHop Lyrics – Rick Ross

Ricky Ross
Mrs. Trifleton
Grade 4

D_Minus
                                                                              911

[Verse 1:]
Fuck all these broke niggas cause all I do is ball
have sexual congress with                          basketball?
Ain’t no more off days, my crib look like a mall
There aren’t any more         what do babies have to do with this?
Fired the stylist, went and bought a big and tall
Was she Korean?                       A big and tall what, exactly?
Niggas still scheming, but we sliding on ’em all!
elaborate on these “niggas”        is this about a water park?
I remember picking watermelons
I think you’re remembering incorrectly
Now the Porsche cost me a quarter million!
                                 $27,324 isn’t a quarter million
If I die tonight I know I’m coming back nigga
                      are you implying that you’re Jesus?
Reincarnated: big black fat nigga!
         Jesus wasn’t fat or black

[Chorus:]
I bow my head, I pray to God
            are you about to eat again?
Survival of the fittest: help me hold my chopper lord!
                                        you own a helicopter?
If I die today, on the highway to heaven
                  I don’t believe you were on that show
Can I let my top down in my 911?
      please keep your top on, Rick
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
Financial fanatic, 40 bricks in my attic
        did you buy these from Home Depot?
400K in my baggage, 80 round automatic
It’s actually called a 401k
You can’t stop a bullet, this one for the money
                                      you seem to be very materialistic
Secret indictments, Porsche costs me 200
                                   I thought it cost a quarter million?

[Verse 2:]

Fuck your investigation, started my elevation
                 you should probably take the stairs once in a while
Cherry red 911 straight to my destination
     try not to forget this
Mayweather got a fight, make me some reservations
         is this a fight with weight problems?
Knew I flew private nigga, strapped with no hesitations
      is this “private nigga” an investigator?
Gucci Pucci money long, he got 20 cars
    this isn’t even a real thing
Graduated from them blocks, now it’s stocks and bonds
  do you have a diploma from this “blocks”
Hoes wanna know, hoes wanna show
    what do these “hoes” wanna know exactly?
They know a nigga’s name, they know a nigga’s strong
                                                   fat and strong aren’t synonyms
Fuck with me!
   no thank you

[Chorus:]
I bow my head, I pray to God
         exercise works better than prayer
Survival of the fittest: help me hold my chopper lord!
                    fattest
If I die today, on the highway to heaven
  eating healthy leads to a longer life
Can I let my top down in my 911?
  don’t take your top off anywhere
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget
In my 911?
never forget

[Verse 3:]
When I climb on top, I say I’m into you
  you probably shouldn’t climb on top of anything
A lot of chickens in the coupe; cock-a-doodle-doo
   this sounds healthier than donuts
I fucked the secretary, fuck the interview
     right after you filed your TPS reports?
If I was in the NBA, I’d hoop in Gucci tennis shoes
                         pretty sure that’s against NBA guidelines
Chopper spray like antihistamines
   I have no idea what any of this means
Triple beam, Versace swag on creatine
           one of those is clothing, the other is a suppliment
When I left the lot, I spent a half a milli
                     which half of Milli Vanilli?  Rob or Fab?
When I pulled up to your spot, I had a half a ceiling
                              you shouldn’t be out during a hurricane
Got your bitch with me, trying to suck up
         lady friend                     milk shakes?
I don’t trust my chauffeur, so shut the fuck up
   maybe the two of you should talk this out
Uh, the new chopper hold a hundred rounds
    you are really fixated on helicopters
When I park on the curb, the grill look like Bobby Brown
     this could get you a ticket