Posted on

New Government Holidays

Hey everybody.  You know how people who have government jobs work so much and rarely have days off or vacations?  It’s pretty crappy, huh?  Well fret not, as a few bills have recently been inked up by the U.S. House of Representatives, another busy, hard-working division of the government, which aim to correct this gross injustice.  The new bills would ensure that those hardworking individuals in cut-throat professions, like DMV clickety-clackers, Post Office object weighers, and Senatorial tax-money-user-uppers receive that much needed time off that most non-government jobs are afforded in abundance.  Below is a partial list of some of the potential new government holidays:

 

Rainbow Trout Appreciation Day
Wednesday
Minimal Labor Day
Carrot Top’s Birthday
Mongoose Day
Colon Awareness Day
Christmas Eve Eve
Christmas Eve Eve Eve
Thanksgiving Eve
Plastic Spoon Day
Decent Thursday
Cuatro De Mayo
Seis De Mayo
Jar of Mayo
Pauly Shore’s Birthday
North Korean New Year
Taco Tuesday
Enchilada Monday
Cheesy Gordita Friday
Hardly Labor Day
Grandma’s Day
Herbert Hoover Day
Millard Fillmore Day
Shark Week
Armchair Day
North Dakota Day
Papercut Safety Week
Leif Garret Day
Testicle Tuesday
Barely Qualifiable As Labor Day
Floppy Jowl Day
Measles Awareness Month
Government Job Appreciation Week

Posted on

The DMV Is Great

I absolutely love the DMV.  What a cheerful, friendly, efficient place to spend the day.  It’s like going to Disneyland, but with more joy and laughter, and you don’t even need to pay to get through the front doors.  There are so many reasons to love this establishment.  Where do I even start?

For starters, they are conveniently located all over the place, so there is never a line.  Efficient.  Imagine if there were only one McDonald’s every 10 miles.  The lines would be insane and it would take forever to get your hamburgers and crispy potato treats.  What a nightmare that would be for your sweet little noggin bits.  Luckily the DMV knows what’s up and had the foresight to build enough branches as to avoid this problem completely.  This is one of myriad reasons why everybody loves the DMV so much.

Secondly, the DMV is the least confusing establishment of all time to deal with.  Confusion is something that completely doesn’t exist within the DMV universe.  You know exactly what steps you need to go through before you even show up, and you never end up paying all sorts of arbitrary fees and payments after you’re there.  Nobody shows up to the DMV not knowing that they need to bring seven forms with them and that they were supposed to have paid 3 different fees prior to even being there.  Clear and concise is what they strive for over there.

On the tertiary tip, in addition to the complete lack of unnecessary attitude, all the employees are all on same page at all times.  Employee #1 may tell you something, and guess what?  Employee #2 and #3 will tell you the exact same thing.  No confusing misdirection going on under this roof.  What mystery fee am I supposed to pay that was not clearly explained anywhere on the face of Earth?  What random procedure do I need to go through in order to pay some exorbitant tax just so that I can go to my job and make a living?  DON’T WORRY!  EVERYONE AT THE DMV KNOWS!  ALL OF THEM!  CLEAR AND CONCISE!  CONFUSION?  WHAT IS THAT EVEN?  STOP MAKING STUFF UP, DUDE!

Hold up.  This post is really dumb, and I regret even committing to it beyond the second paragraph. I’m still going to publish it anyway.  My apologies.

P.S. Here is a new logo for the DMV that I made that I also regret committing more than 5 minutes on creating, but hey…  you win some and you lose some.  Mostly things are being lost though.  Once again, forgive me.

DMV Logo