Photoshops – Page 2 – MeatGoblet.com

August 4, 2014November 29, 2015

Blog Post Con Limón

So hey. Check this out. The other day I was in dire need to things to stuff in my gullet for sustenance, so I decided to hoof it on down to the local grocery shoppe. I’m all wandering to and fro through all the bountiful aisles of foodstuffs, when I hit the international isle. I’m looking at all the fancy and exotic legumes, sauces, and packages with anime cats on them, when something catches my eyeball. It’s the Mexican food section. I notice almost immediately that every single item in the section has lime in it. EVERYTHING. There were cans of chili with lime, bags of chips with lime, even jars of mayonnaise with lime. I was all like “¡¿Que chingados, ese?!”

I proceed to go about living my life as usual, but I had a serious case of lime on the brain. Lime was on my mind, and I was seeing lime in all sorts or places where I had completely failed to notice it before. It seems that absolutely everything out there has a lime variant these days. But don’t take my word for it. I conveniently snapped some photographic evidence since that type of stuff is worth a bunch or words and whatnot.

Did you know that they had Spam with a hint of lime? I had no idea. But here is photographic evidence on the internet, so it’s gotta be real. I think you can only get this in Guatemala for some reason. Guess they like their Spam over there, but it just wasn’t citrus-y enough in stock form.

Milk with lime? That sure sounds gross. But somebody somewhere must like it, because here it is. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t come out of the cow with lime in it. The milk factory probably takes care of that feature. Either way, I’m sure as hell not gonna drink it.

Seriously? Starbucks is putting lime in coffee now? Like they didn’t offer enough redundant, pointless varieties of the exact same thing already. Guess coffee folks will drink just about anything, including lime, in their hoity-toity bean water.

For the love of Jeebus. Did we really need toothpaste with a hint of lime? Were fresh mint, bubble gum, and bacon flavors not enough? It’s not even food. It’s paste. What’s next? Lime flavored glue? Moving on…

Peanut butter con limón? ¡Hijo de puta! Why did peanut butter need lime in it? It’s stupid enough to mix nasty lumpy jelly in with peanut butter, but this really takes the cake. A cake without lime added to it I might add. Though I’m sure that exists somewhere too.

June 26, 2014November 29, 2015

Ridiculous Sports Team Logos

Wow. So have you guys heard about these “sports” things that are going on out there? They’re apparently all the rage with the kids, so I must have been living under a rock or something. It would have to be a very large rock obviously. A human can’t live under a piece of gravel, unless they were some some of microorganism person or something. Perhaps the saying should be “I must have been living under a boulder.” English sure is a stupid language, am I right? Am I right?

What was I talking about again? Oh yea… sports. So there’s a bunch of different sports teams out there. There’s gotta be at least 30 or 35 different sports teams. I noticed a few that had really stupid logos however. These logos don’t make any kind of sense whatsoever. The name of the team is one thing, and the picture is something else entirely. IT’S BONKERS. Lemme throw up some pictures to illustrate my point.

Take this logo for example. They’re called the “Indians” but they don’t have a picture of an Indian on the logo. It’s a Native American. They should either be called the Cleveland Native Americans or have a picture of Apu from the Simpsons above their logo. I’m new to sports, so I don’t know if the teams are supposed to be all ironic and whatnot, but it’s all so confusing nonetheless.

This one was confusing to me as well. The team is called the Phoenix Suns, but that’s obviously not a sun on the logo. It appears to be a moon, or at very least a badly burnt pancake. Not sure who they hired to make their logo, but they should probably fire him or her immediately.

Here is another one that is a little bit off. The team is the Jaguars, but their mascot is obviously a Nardwuar. I can see how the two could be confused, but there is in fact a difference. It’s like confusing a crocodile and an alligator. Totally not the same thing. This one is the most excusable so far, but it is still an oversight that probably should have been caught somewhere along the way.

This last one really confused me. The team is called the Dolphins, but that is obviously a hamburger on their logo. At first I thought that maybe this was actually some type of fast food restaurant and not a sports team at all. Turns out they actually are a sports team, and that whomever works in their graphics department has absolutely no idea what a dolphin looks like. Like… seriously. This one wasn’t even close. I really don’t get sports.

March 17, 2014November 29, 2015

Buttcrack Dude, The Early Years

I’m sure by now you’ve seen the pictures circulating the internet of the guy who went to the Magic the Gathering™ gathering, but took selfies next to butt-cracks instead of slaying beasts. Much like everybody else, I found the pictures to be hilarious and life-affirming, but I was also getting a sense of deja-vu. I knew that I had seen this buttcrack photographer somewhere else before, I just couldn’t place where.

Well, after countless hours of research and sifting through the American culture archives, I was able to figure out where I had seen this gentleman before. Turns out he’s been a connoisseur of those glorious booty slits for well over a decade. Below is merely a sampling of the pre-gathering buttcrack selfies that “OB1FBM” had been a part of documenting in the past.

Here he is circa 2001, hanging out with the Jackass crew. This is the era wherein his appreciation of the buttcrack began to blossom. After this photo however, he made it a point to stick to single buttcrack exposures. “I found that too many buttcracks in one shot have the tendency to overwhelm the senses and leave the viewer exhausted. After this I made the decision to work solely in mono-crack photography.”

And here he is a mere two years ago photobombing a Kim Kardashian buttcrack photo-op. It was during this era that his appreciation for the big-booty cracks began to flourish. “I find that rump slits that are a little bigger than average tend to give the photo a certain larger-than-life mystique that I’m constantly aiming for.”

Finally we have a picture of Miley Cyrus’s infamous 2013 VMA performance. At the time, OB1FBM hadn’t quite broken through to the mainstream with his bootycrack photography, and as such, these gems were largely overlooked at the time. It is now however, that we can finally look back and appreciate the true artistry of his work.

November 30, 2013November 29, 2015

Replacing Babies With Burritos

Do you ever find yourself looking through photos of people holding babies and think to yourself: “Man, these pictures would be so much better if these people were holding gigantic burritos instead of pointless babies.”? Me too! Unlike you however, I decided to do something about it and remedy the situation. The following pictures are approximately 167% better, now that they contain righteous burritos:

Haha! Look at this guy… He looks really excited to chomp into that bitchin’ breakfast burrito. If he were holding a baby instead, he’d probably be all bored or sad or something. He probably just got off work xeroxing TPS reports for the man, and now he just wants to kick back and munch on some sweet sausagey treats.

Here’s another dude that looks really jazzed to be grippin’ on a monster burrito. That thing must be at least 7 pounds, 8 ounces. He even got all dressed up before he sat down to get his grub on. Guess he’s looking to get down to business. He’s even got a nurse on hand in case he needs the Heimlich maneuver after gorging his munch hole on this beastly treat. Chew slowly!

Here’s that businessman chap again. This time it appears that he’s with his lady friend. I guess they’re just getting back from the Taco Emporium, where he bought her the 47 pound Burrito Explosion. Whoa there, Mr Moneybags! Think you’re better because you don’t have to order off the dollar menu? I wish I could order the 47 pound Burrito Explosion. 🙁 🙁 🙁

October 31, 2013November 29, 2015

Celebrity Halloween Candids

Hey there sir or madam. You wanna know something? Contrary to popular belief, celebrities are just like us. They go to sleep. They make crucial poopies. They even don’t like having kumquats lobbed at their facial bits. Just like you and me! Who would have thought it?

Another things stars like to do, is get decked out in sweet Halloween costumes on October 31st, and go rage with unbridled pagan fury all around Hollywood. Don’t believe me? Well perhaps you should stop being such a negative drain on everyone you come in contact with, and peep these photographs I have posted for you. Peep them real good now. Then try to stop being such a dick and turn your life around before it’s too late and everybody starts to hate you. Yolo!

Well looky who we have here. It’s shining star of screen and stage: Hillary Duff, sister of shining star of screen and stage: Haley Duff. Not many people are aware of the fact that in addition to being a fan of carrying around fashion accessory animals, Hillary is also a fan of the Insane Clown Posse. In this photo, she was on her way to the Go & Kum Mart on 5th Street to pick up some Faygo™ brand soda before heading off to a Halloween party at George Clooney’s house.

Who could this be, eating a savory salad because she legitimately likes the taste, and not just in case a photo opportunity arises? Why, it’s star of an appallingly boring sex tape and nothing much else: Kim Kardashian! Did you know that in addition to being friends with fellow famous-for-no-reason personality Paris Hilton, Kim is also a huge fan of the band Immortal? Shortly after this photo was taken, she attended a party at future ex-husband Kanye West’s mansion.

Who’s that fine young lady right there? I’m pretty sure it’s that Reyanna chick. I think in this photo, she was thinking about that bitchin’ Rainbow Trout she caught last week at Lake Cucamonga. That, or she’s trying to remember what you call those things that you put other things into. Regardless, she’s obviously a Kiss fan, or at very least a fan of sexually ambiguous guitar players. And while we’re on the topic of creepy guys, what’s up with that stalkerish guy wearing the “COWBONER” hat back there? Move along there, creepy-balls.

Happy Halloween! Remember not to eat any AIDS candy.

October 20, 2013November 29, 2015

Rare Black Metal Promo Shots

Hello there empty nothingness of the internet. I know that you don’t really care for extreme metal music, or music in general, being that you’re an empty void and all, but I figured I’d share these with you. You see, when black metal musicians take promo photos, the goal is to look as badass or “kvlt” as possible. “Kvlt” simply means “cult” or underground, but is spelled as “kvlt” because black metal originated in Rome in 1435. This is all common knowledge, so I won’t bore you with the details.

Anywhat, I have in my possession some rare early promotional photos by a few such black metal groups. Nowadays, it’s all the rage to shoot your band pictures in grim places, like a forest in the middle of the Norwegian wilderness, or in a cave, in front of a sleeping Yeti. But as you’ll see in these early photos, black metal musicians originally shot their promo pictures is decidedly less grim environments. Feast your sweet little eye globes on these:

Here is the band Immortal, posing at a Chuck E. Cheese’s in Boise Idaho in 1991. Shortly after this photo was taken, the band was removed from the premises for not removing their boots before entering the ball pit.

Here is another early Immortal promo shot. This one was taken at Uncle Gizmo’s Fun Zone in Crapsteak, North Dakota. Later that day Abbath got the 3rd place score on the venue’s Galaga arcade machine, entering “T I T” as his name on the entry screen.

Finally we have a never-before seen publicity shot of Behemoth posing in front of McDonald’s franchise #13,765 in Hambasket, New Mexico. Originally they were going to pose with a Koala, but on the day of the shoot, all the animal wrangler could book was an extinct Tropical Crow.

So there you have it. I hope this post was informative. My number one goal with these posts is to educate after all. A healthy mind is a mind that works good. Until next time!

September 7, 2013November 29, 2015

Miley’s Gone Too Far This Time

I was fine with Miley Cyrus’s shenanigans at the VMAs, but this time she’s gone too far:

I can’t help but feel she was interrupting something important.

I mean seriously… I think this was a little uncalled for.

Now she’s being downright sacrilegious.

And this is why we can’t have nice things.

No Miley! Stop it!

September 5, 2013November 29, 2015

Photoshops – David Draiman Edition

HELLO THERE.

I CREATED THESE PHOTOSHOPS FOR YOUR VIEWING ENJOYMENT. THEY COMBINE TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS. CHARACTERS FROM THE HIT CAPCOM FRANCHISE “MEGAMAN”, AND LEAD SINGER OF HIT ROCK BAND “DISTURBED”, DAVID MICHAEL DRAIMAN. THE COMMON THEME BETWEEN THE TWO, AS YOU CAN PROBABLY DEDUCE, IS THAT THEY BOTH CONTAIN “MAN” IN THEIR NAMES. IT’S LIKE THE TWO WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER. EVEN IF THEY WEREN’T MADE FOR EACH OTHER, I MADE THEM CONGEAL INTO MAGICAL CONCOCTIONS NOT UNLIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY AND/OR 3RD GRADE AND HEPATITIS B. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM.

</CAPSLOCK>

David Flameman

David Waveman

David Grenademan

Mini MegaDraiman